内容正文:
阅读下面材料,根据其内容和所给段落开头语续写两段,使之构成一篇完整的短文。
I first started wearing glasses at age five. They were thick, black-framed, and many friends said that I looked like Ralphie, a boy in the movie A Christmas Story, always wearing thick glasses. Sadly, they were right. Over the years, my nearsightedness worsened, and my lenses (镜片) became heavier. An obvious depression formed on the bridge of my nose from the weight. I often joked that if the sun shone just right, I could start forest fires.
In my twenties, I got my first pair of thinner lenses. Wearing them felt like wearing nothing at all. Later, polarized (偏光的) sunglasses made the world’s colors clearer than ever before. I thought I had finally seen life fully until my father went blind. Diagnosed (诊断) with macular degeneration, he ignored treatment advice and soon lost most of his vision. Once active, now he could only sit in his chair.
An eye exam showed a small spot of degeneration in my eyes as well. At first it seemed minor, but the next year it affected both eyes. Then came a cataract operation, which helped, but my vision problems were far from over. Just before retirement, I was diagnosed with myasthenia gravis, a disease that weakens muscles including those controlling the eyes. My eyelids became too tired to stay open, and unclear vision struck several times a day.
The final warning came at a neuro-ophthalmologist’s office. Covering my left eye, I read the chart-but a large black shadow blocked most of my vision. Overnight, I became legally blind in that eye. My fear of injections (注射) was greater than the fear of blindness, yet the only way to save my sight was through eye injections.
Both eyes needed treatment, and I would face four injections in total. My heart raced as I imagined the process. I felt a mix of fear, determination, and hope, knowing that these injections were my only chance to keep seeing the world I loved.
注意:1. 续写词数应为150个左右;
2. 请按如下格式在答题卡的相应位置作答。
I made up my mind finally.
___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
I began to notice small improvements in my vision.
___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
一.文本分析
1.角色 :______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
2.视角 第______人称视角
3.时空线
五岁时,“我”开始戴厚黑框眼镜,近视随年龄加重→ 二十多岁,换上薄镜片,后用偏光太阳镜,以为能正常视物→ 父亲患黄斑变性失明,“我”眼部检查发现小变性点→ 次年变性点影响双眼,做白内障手术但视力问题未解决→ 退休前确诊重症肌无力,眼睑无力、视力模糊→ 神经眼科检查发现左眼法定失明,唯一治疗方式是眼部注射(共四次,双眼需治)→ “我”内心恐惧但也有决心与希望→ (续写)___________________________→ (续写)___________________________。
4.文章线索 请围绕文本核心内容,分析以下问题:
(1)核心矛盾是什么?这一矛盾对情节发展有何作用?如何推动主要人物的行动与形象塑造?______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________(2)主要人物的心理/状态变化有哪些?这些变化如何形成呼应,推动情节发展并深化主题?______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________(3)文本中的关键细节有哪些?它们有何意义?为后续情节发展做了怎样的铺垫?______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________(4)故事的情节推进逻辑是什么?情节发展背后凸显了怎样的主题脉络?______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
5.情节线:
五岁起“我”戴厚眼镜,近视逐渐加重→ 二十多岁用上薄镜片和偏光太阳镜,暂获清晰视力→ 父亲因黄斑变性失明,“我”查出眼部有小变性点→ 变性点恶化影响双眼,白内障手术效果有限→ 退休前确诊重症肌无力,眼部肌肉受影响导致视力问题加剧→ 左眼确诊法定失明,得知唯有眼部注射能保视力(需四次注射)→ “我”虽恐惧注射,但为保住视力心怀决心与希望→ (续写)___________________________→ (续写)___________________________。
6. 情感线
“我”:童年戴厚眼镜的无奈→ 二十多岁用薄镜片的轻松→ 父亲失明后的担忧→ 自身视力恶化的焦虑→ 确诊重症肌无力的沮丧→ 左眼失明的恐惧→ 面对注射的纠结(恐惧+决心+希望)→ (续写)_________________→ (续写)_________________→ 最终心情→_________________
父亲:患病前的活跃→ 确诊黄斑变性后的忽视→ 失明后的消沉→ (续写)_________________→ 最终心情→_________________
医生:诊断时的专业→ 告知病情与治疗方案时的严肃→ (续写)_________________→ (续写)_________________→ 最终态度→_________________
7.文章大意概括:
中文:______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
英文:________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
8.句式示例:
宾语从句:______________________________________________________
同位语:______________________________________________________
状语从句:______________________________________________________
定语从句:______________________________________________________
9.主题归类 请结合文本内容,归纳文章核心主题(至少2点):________________________________________________________________________________________
二、情节构造
第一段提示句:I made up my mind finally.
衔接句 1—— 对 “人物的动作及心理” 提问:“我”下定决心后会做什么?去接受注射前“我”的心理状态是怎样的?是否有缓解恐惧的举动?________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
衔接句 2—— 对 “该部分的过渡意义” 提问:该段如何承接前文“我”恐惧注射却又渴望保视力的纠结?又如何为后文“接受注射、视力改善”做铺垫?________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
过渡逻辑:请分析该段情节与下一段情节的关联,说明其铺垫作用:______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
第二段提示句:I began to notice small improvements in my vision.
衔接句 1—— 对 “后续反应及细节” 提问:“我”发现视力改善后有哪些反应?会如何验证这一变化?身边人(如父亲、医生)会有怎样的态度?________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
衔接句 2—— 对 “情节结局与主题升华” 提问:故事结局应如何设计才能体现核心主题?“我”的经历能传递怎样的启示?________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
主题提炼:______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
三、段落构思
第一段:I made up my mind finally.
梳理第一段写作思路:______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
续写:___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
第二段:I began to notice small improvements in my vision.
梳理第二段写作思路:______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
续写:___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
参考答案
一.文本分析
1.角色
“我”:普通成年人,从小近视,经历多种眼部疾病(黄斑变性、白内障、重症肌无力引发眼部问题等),性格坚韧,虽极度恐惧注射,但为保住视力愿直面挑战;
父亲:“我”的父亲,曾性格活跃,患黄斑变性后因忽视治疗失明,后续变得消沉;
医生:神经眼科等科室专业医师,严谨诊断病情,告知“我”治疗方案,治疗中耐心指导。
2. 视角 第__一__人称视角
3. 时空线
五岁时(无特定地点),“我”开始戴厚黑框眼镜,近视随年龄加重→ 二十多岁(日常场景),换上薄镜片,后使用偏光太阳镜,以为能正常视物→ 某段时间(医院、家中),父亲患黄斑变性失明,“我”眼部检查发现小变性点→ 次年(医院),变性点影响双眼,做白内障手术但视力问题未解决→ 退休前(医院、家中),确诊重症肌无力,眼睑无力、视力模糊→ 某一天(神经眼科诊室),检查发现左眼法定失明,唯一治疗方式是眼部注射(共四次,双眼需治)→ “我”(家中、医院等候区)内心恐惧但也有决心与希望→ (续写)“我”前往医院接受第一次眼部注射,强忍恐惧配合治疗→ (续写)多次注射后,“我”在日常场景中发现视力逐渐改善,能清晰视物。
4.文章线索 请围绕文本核心内容,分析以下问题:
(1)核心矛盾是什么?这一矛盾对情节发展有何作用?如何推动主要人物的行动与形象塑造?
核心矛盾:“我”对眼部注射的极度恐惧与保住视力、继续看清世界的强烈渴望之间的矛盾。作用:是推动情节发展的核心动力,促使“我”从纠结犹豫走向坚定,做出接受治疗的关键决定,进而引出后续治疗与视力改善的情节。形象塑造:通过“我”直面内心恐惧、主动配合治疗的行为,凸显“我”为目标勇于克服困难、坚韧不拔的形象。
(2) 主要人物的心理/状态变化有哪些?这些变化如何形成呼应,推动情节发展并深化主题?
“我”:童年戴厚眼镜的无奈→ 二十多岁用薄镜片的轻松→ 父亲失明后的担忧→ 自身视力恶化的焦虑→ 确诊重症肌无力的沮丧→ 左眼失明的恐惧→ 面对注射的纠结(恐惧+决心+希望)→ (续写)接受注射时的紧张与坚定→ (续写)看到视力改善后的欣慰→ 最终心情→珍惜与感恩;父亲:患病前的活跃→ 确诊黄斑变性后的忽视→ 失明后的消沉→ (续写)看到“我”坚持治疗后的欣慰与支持→ 最终心情→平静与安心;医生:诊断时的专业→ 告知病情与治疗方案时的严肃→ (续写)治疗过程中的耐心与鼓励→ (续写)看到“我”视力改善后的欣慰→ 最终态度→认可与祝福。变化呼应:父亲的失明给“我”敲响警钟,让“我”更坚定治疗的决心;医生的专业与耐心缓解了“我”的恐惧,三者变化相互支撑,推动“我”完成治疗,深化“直面困境、坚韧求生”的主题。
(3)文本中的关键细节有哪些?它们有何意义?为后续情节发展做了怎样的铺垫?关键细节:
①“我”五岁起戴厚眼镜,鼻桥因镜片重量形成明显压痕(意义:体现视力问题伴随“我”多年,凸显“我”对清晰视力的渴望;铺垫:为后续眼部疾病加重、“我”不愿放弃治疗做铺垫);②父亲患黄斑变性后忽视治疗最终失明(意义:通过父亲的经历警示人们重视疾病治疗;铺垫:让“我”更加重视自身眼部问题,为“我”克服恐惧接受注射治疗提供心理支撑);③“我”恐惧注射却仍心怀希望(意义:展现“我”内心的挣扎与对生活的热爱;铺垫:暗示“我”最终会选择接受治疗,为续写情节埋下伏笔)。
(4)故事的情节推进逻辑是什么?情节发展背后凸显了怎样的主题脉络?
情节推进逻辑:以“我”的视力变化与治疗经历为核心线索,从童年近视→青年暂获清晰视力→父亲失明与自身眼部疾病逐步加重→确诊左眼失明需接受恐惧的注射治疗→(续写)主动接受治疗→视力改善。主题脉络:围绕“面对困境不退缩,以坚韧态度战胜磨难”展开,同时凸显“重视健康、主动争取希望”的深层主题。
5.情节线
五岁起“我”戴厚眼镜,近视逐渐加重→ 二十多岁用上薄镜片和偏光太阳镜,暂获清晰视力→ 父亲因黄斑变性忽视治疗失明,“我”查出眼部有小变性点→ 变性点恶化影响双眼,白内障手术效果有限→ 退休前确诊重症肌无力,眼部肌肉受影响导致视力问题加剧→ 左眼确诊法定失明,得知唯有眼部注射能保视力(需四次注射)→ “我”虽恐惧注射,但为保住视力心怀决心与希望→ (续写)“我”预约治疗,在医生鼓励下逐步完成四次眼部注射→ (续写)“我”的视力明显改善,重新清晰看到世界,愈发珍惜健康。
6.情感线
“我”:童年戴厚眼镜的无奈→ 二十多岁用薄镜片的轻松→ 父亲失明后的担忧→ 自身视力恶化的焦虑→ 确诊重症肌无力的沮丧→ 左眼失明的恐惧→ 面对注射的纠结(恐惧+决心+希望)→ (续写)接受注射时的紧张与坚定→ (续写)看到视力改善后的欣慰→ 最终心情→珍惜与感恩
父亲:患病前的活跃→ 确诊黄斑变性后的忽视→ 失明后的消沉→ (续写)看到“我”坚持治疗后的欣慰→ 最终心情→平静与安心
医生:诊断时的专业→ 告知病情与治疗方案时的严肃→ (续写)治疗中的耐心指导与鼓励→ (续写)看到疗效后的欣慰→ 最终态度→认可与祝福
7. 文章大意概括
中文:
“我”从五岁起就戴厚眼镜,近视随年龄加重,二十多岁用上薄镜片和偏光太阳镜后暂获清晰视力。后来父亲因黄斑变性忽视治疗失明,“我”也查出眼部有变性点,后续还经历了白内障手术、确诊重症肌无力引发眼部问题,最终左眼法定失明。唯一的治疗方式是“我”极度恐惧的眼部注射,“我”内心纠结许久,最终为保住视力决心接受治疗,经过四次注射后视力逐渐改善,也更加懂得珍惜健康。
英文:
I first started wearing thick glasses at the age of five, and my myopia worsened as I grew older. In my twenties, I got thinner lenses and polarized sunglasses, which temporarily gave me clear vision. Later, my father lost his sight due to ignoring treatment for macular degeneration, and I also found a small degeneration spot in my eyes. I then underwent cataract surgery and was diagnosed with myasthenia gravis that affected my eye muscles, eventually becoming legally blind in my left eye. The only treatment was eye injections, which I feared deeply. After struggling for a long time, I resolved to undergo the treatment to save my sight. My vision gradually improved after four injections, and I learned to cherish my health more.
8. 句式示例
宾语从句:I often joked that if the sun shone just right, I could start forest fires.
同位语:I was diagnosed with myasthenia gravis, a disease that weakens muscles including those controlling the eyes.
状语从句:When time was up, the counter showed 201 skips.(模仿原文句式,选取文本相关场景改写:When I went for the eye exam, the doctor found a small spot of degeneration in my eyes.)
定语从句:I was diagnosed with myasthenia gravis, a disease that weakens muscles including those controlling the eyes.
9. 主题归类 :
①面对疾病与内心恐惧,要拥有直面挑战的勇气和坚韧不拔的意志;②健康是最珍贵的财富,要重视疾病治疗,珍惜当下拥有的健康。
二、情节构造
第一段提示句:I made up my mind finally.
衔接句 1—— 对 “人物的动作及心理” 提问:“我”下定决心后会做什么?去接受注射前“我”的心理状态是怎样的?是否有缓解恐惧的举动?“我”下定决心后会立刻拿起手机预约第一次注射的时间,随后整理好病历前往医院。接受注射前“我”的内心既紧张又坚定,双手会不自觉地握紧。为缓解恐惧,“我”会深呼吸,还会在心里反复默念“为了能继续看清世界,这点困难不算什么”,给自己打气。
衔接句 2—— 对 “该部分的过渡意义” 提问:该段如何承接前文“我”恐惧注射却又渴望保视力的纠结?又如何为后文“接受注射、视力改善”做铺垫?该段通过描写“我”下定决心的行为与心理活动,直接承接前文的纠结,表明“我”最终选择为了清晰视力克服对注射的恐惧;同时交代“我”主动预约、前往医院的举动,让后文“接受注射”的情节顺理成章,也为后续“视力改善”埋下合理伏笔,实现情节的自然过渡。
过渡逻辑:请分析该段情节与下一段情节的关联,说明其铺垫作用:该段聚焦“我”下定决心接受治疗并采取行动,明确了“我”的核心选择,为下一段“视力改善”提供了必要前提——正是因为“我”主动接受注射治疗,才会出现视力好转的结果,形成“下定决心→接受治疗→视力改善”的完整逻辑闭环,让两段续写内容紧密衔接。
第二段提示句:I began to notice small improvements in my vision.
衔接句 1—— 对 “后续反应及细节” 提问:“我”发现视力改善后有哪些反应?会如何验证这一变化?身边人(如父亲、医生)会有怎样的态度?“我”发现视力改善后会感到惊喜又欣慰,忍不住反复眨眼确认。“我”会拿出之前看不清的报纸尝试阅读,还会走到窗边观察远处的景物,以此验证视力的变化。父亲得知后,原本消沉的脸上露出了笑容,轻声夸赞“你做得对”;医生则欣慰地表示,这是“我”坚持治疗的结果,鼓励“我”继续配合后续护理。
衔接句 2—— 对 “情节结局与主题升华” 提问:故事结局应如何设计才能体现核心主题?“我”的经历能传递怎样的启示?结局可设计为“我”完成全部四次注射后,视力基本恢复正常,不仅能清晰看清日常事物,还能重新欣赏曾经熟悉的风景,同时会主动提醒身边人重视眼部健康。这样的结局既呼应了“直面困境终能成功”的核心主题,也让主题更具感染力。启示:无论面对多大的困难与恐惧,只要有坚定的决心和直面的勇气,就有可能迎来转机;同时,健康无小事,要及时关注身体信号,切勿忽视疾病的早期治疗。
主题提炼:请结合全文情节走向,提炼文章核心主题:核心主题为“以坚韧的勇气直面内心恐惧与生活困境,主动争取就能迎来希望”,同时蕴含“珍惜健康、重视生命”的深层内涵。
三、段落构思
第一段:I made up my mind finally.
梳理第一段写作思路:以“我”下定决心为核心,先写“我”做决定时的内心挣扎与最终坚定,再描写“我”预约治疗、前往医院的具体行动,最后刻画等待注射时的心理状态。核心要点:突出“我”对注射的恐惧、对清晰视力的渴望,以及直面恐惧的勇气。行文方向:侧重心理描写与动作描写,紧密承接前文“纠结”的情绪,为后文“接受注射”的情节做铺垫,保持文本沉稳、真挚的风格。
续写:
I made up my mind finally. I grabbed my phone and booked the first injection without hesitation. Sitting in the hospital waiting room, my palms were sweaty, but I kept recalling the blurry world I’d been living in. When the doctor called my name, I took a deep breath, stood up steadily, and followed him. I closed my eyes tightly as he prepared the injection, telling myself this was for the sight I cherished.
第二段:I began to notice small improvements in my vision.
梳理第二段写作思路:以“视力改善”为切入点,先写“我”发现视力变化的惊喜瞬间,再通过具体场景(如阅读、观察景物)验证改善效果,最后描写身边人的反应与“我”的内心感悟。核心要点:展现视力改善的具体细节,凸显“坚持治疗终有回报”的道理。行文方向:侧重细节描写与心理描写,呼应前文的治疗经历,升华文章主题,传递积极向上的情感。
续写:
I began to notice small improvements in my vision. When I read a book, the once-blurry words became clear, and I could even see the tiny prints. Looking out the window, I distinguished the colorful flowers in the garden clearly. I rushed to share the good news with my father, whose eyes lit up with joy. At that moment, I knew every bit of courage I’d mustered was worthwhile.
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