内容正文:
八种首句接话妙法
在高考的激烈竞争中,如何写好读后续写,这仿佛是一把神奇钥匙,能够打开博取阅卷老师青睐、获得高分的大门,也因此成为众多老师与学生日夜钻研的重要课题。怎样让学生的作品在高考这片知识的广袤海洋中,如璀璨星辰般脱颖而出,斩获理想分数?这是无数教育者和学子们不断探索、矢志不渝追求的目标。
而在整个读后续写的创作过程里,故事开头的撰写显得尤为关键。它恰似一场精彩演出拉开的开场序幕,又像是一幅绚丽画卷落下的第一笔勾勒,直接决定着读者(阅卷老师)是否愿意深入其中。一个出色的故事开头,犹如一首动人心弦的乐章前奏,瞬间就能抓住听众(读者)的耳朵,使其沉浸其中,不由自主地跟随创作者的节奏前行;又仿若一座神秘城堡的大门,散发着诱人气息,吸引着人们迫不及待地想要推开它,探索其中的奥秘。相反,一个平淡无奇甚至拙劣的故事开头,就如同一场乏味的演讲,让听众昏昏欲睡,大大降低了对后续内容的期待。正如那句古老而智慧的谚语所说:“良好的开端是成功的一半!”由此可见,在时间紧张的高考考场上,构思出一个精彩的开头,对于读后续写的成功起着举足轻重的作用。那么,究竟该如何实现这一目标呢?我们不妨从语法手段和写作涉及的内容这两个维度来深入探索。
1. 用副词显现做出动作反应时的时间特征等
通过精准使用副词,能够巧妙地衔接首句与后续内容,生动展现动作发生的时间特性,使故事的叙述更加流畅自然。
例如:
(2016. 10浙江卷)Para1:But no more helicopters came and it was getting dark again. Immediately, an absolute darkness ruled the forest.
【翻译】 但再也没有直升机来了,天又渐渐黑了下来。紧接着,一片漆黑笼罩了森林。
【分析】 这里运用时间副词“Immediately”,紧紧承接所给首句中的“it getting dark again”,与此同时,顺畅地衔接后文关于环境描写“the darkness ruled the forest”,让整个场景的转换自然且富有节奏感。
再如:
(2017.06浙江卷)Para2:Just then, a loud noise came from the kitchen. Suddenly, all the lights in the house went out.
【翻译】 就在这时,厨房传来一声巨响。突然,房子里所有的灯都熄灭了。
【分析】 “Suddenly”这个副词,瞬间强化了首句中噪音出现后场景变化的突发性,使读者仿佛身临其境,感受到那种突如其来的紧张氛围。
(2018.11浙江卷)Para1:The rain had finally stopped. Shortly, he stepped out of the tent, eager to explore the surrounding area.
【翻译】 雨终于停了。不久后,他走出帐篷,急切地想要探索周围的区域。
【分析】 “Shortly”表明在雨停后不久,主人公就采取了行动,清晰地呈现出动作的时间先后顺序,推动了故事的发展。
2. 用形容词(短语)凸显人物的情感情绪
形容词或形容词短语宛如一把细腻的画笔,能够生动形象地描绘出人物在特定情境下的情感情绪,让读者更深刻地感受到人物的内心世界。
例如:
(1)(2016.10浙江卷)Para 1: But no more helicopters came and it was getting dark again. Desperate and hopeless, Jane knelt down, tears streaming down her face.
【翻译】 但再也没有直升机来了,天又渐渐黑了下来。绝望无助的简跪了下来,泪水从她的脸上滑落。
【分析】 “Desperate and hopeless”这一形容词短语,淋漓尽致地凸显了Jane在直升机不再出现、天色再次变暗时的绝望情绪,与后面“knelt down”的动作相结合,栩栩如生地再现了情境中人物的精神状态。
(2)(2016.10浙江卷)Para 2: It was daybreak when Jane woke up. Weak as she was, she struggled to her feet, continuing searching for assistance.
【翻译】 天亮时简醒了过来。尽管她很虚弱,但还是挣扎着站起身来,继续寻找援助。
【分析】 运用“状态形容词+as/though引导的倒装句”结构,“Weak as she was”充分体现了Jane早上醒来后的虚弱状态,使读者能深切体会到她的艰难处境。
(3)(2018.06浙江卷)Para 1: Suddenly a little rabbit jumped out in front of my horse. Afraid that I might hurt the lovely small creature, I automatically let out a cry to stop my horse.
【翻译】 突然,一只小兔子跳到了我的马前。我担心会伤到这只可爱的小动物,便不由自主地大喊一声让马停下来。
【分析】 “Afraid that...”这种“情绪形容词+从句”结构,清晰阐释了人物见到兔子后担心伤害到它的心理反应,让读者感同身受。
(4)(2018.06浙江卷)Para 2: We had no idea where we were and it got dark. Exhausted and hungry, I wondered if we could find our way back.
【翻译】 我们不知道自己身处何方,天也黑了下来。疲惫又饥饿的我,不知道我们是否能找到回去的路。
【分析】 并列的“Exhausted and hungry”这两个表示心理状态的形容词,准确体现了人物在迷路且天色变黑后的心力交瘁,进一步渲染了紧张无助的氛围。
又如:
(2019.06浙江卷)Para1:The boat was moving steadily. Anxious about the approaching storm, Tom kept looking at the darkening sky.
【翻译】 船平稳地行驶着。汤姆因担心即将来临的暴风雨而焦虑不安,不停地望着逐渐变黑的天空。
【分析】 “Anxious about...”这个形容词短语,生动地刻画了Tom因担心即将到来的暴风雨而焦虑的心情,使人物形象更加立体。
(2020.01浙江卷)Para2:The sun was setting. Sad and frustrated, Lily watched as her friends left one by one.
【翻译】 太阳正在落山。莉莉难过又沮丧地看着朋友们一个一个地离开。
【分析】 “Sad and frustrated”这两个形容词,直观地展现了Lily在朋友们陆续离开时的难过与沮丧,增强了情感的感染力。
3. 用分词(短语)体现人物的心理变化等
分词短语如同灵动的音符,在故事叙述中巧妙地传递出人物内心的微妙变化,为故事增添丰富的情感层次。
例如:
(1) (2016.10浙江卷) Para1: But no more helicopters came and it was getting dark again. Feeling disappointed, Jane had to stay alone for another night.
【翻译】 但再也没有直升机来了,天又渐渐黑了下来。感到失望的简,不得不又独自待一晚。
【分析】 “Feeling disappointed”这种“现在分词+情绪形容词”结构,精准地体现了Jane在直升机未出现后的失望心理状态,让读者能真切感受到她的失落。
(2)(2016.10浙江卷) Para 2: It was daybreak when Jane woke up. Feeling refreshed, she continued to walk along the stream to find the way out.
【翻译】 天亮时简醒了过来。感觉精神焕发的她,继续沿着小溪走,试图找到出去的路。
【分析】 “Feeling refreshed”运用“现在分词+状态形容词”结构,生动地传递了Jane早上醒来后的精神焕发,与前文的疲惫形成对比,推动了故事的发展。
又如:
(2017.11浙江卷)Para2:As they walked deeper into the forest. Wondering what lay ahead, they quickened their pace.
【翻译】 当他们往森林深处走去时。他们好奇前方有什么,于是加快了脚步。
【分析】 “Wondering what lay ahead”这个现在分词短语,形象地表现出人物在深入森林时对前方未知的好奇与期待,从而加快脚步的心理变化,使故事更具吸引力。
(2018.11浙江卷)Para2:The old man stared at the photo. Reminded of his past, he couldn't help shedding tears.
【翻译】 老人凝视着照片。想起了他的过去,他忍不住流下了眼泪。
【分析】 “Reminded of his past”过去分词短语,巧妙地引出老人因看到照片而回忆起过去,进而忍不住落泪的情感变化,丰富了故事的情感内涵。
4. 用直接引语增强情境效果
直接引语就像一把神奇的魔法棒,能瞬间将读者带入故事所设定的情境之中,增强故事的现场感与感染力。
例如:
(2017.06浙江卷)Para 1: The car abruptly stopped in front of him. "Get into the car." Paul shouted at Mac.
【翻译】 汽车在他面前突然停下。“上车。”保罗对麦克喊道。
【分析】 含有祈使句的直接引语“Get into the car.”与首句提示中的“abruptly stopped”紧密呼应,生动地烘托出当时紧张的情境,让读者仿佛置身于现场,感受到那种紧迫感。
又如:
(2018.06浙江卷)Para1:“What on earth is going on?” exclaimed Mary, her eyes wide with shock. The strange noise from the attic had caught her attention.
【翻译】 “到底发生了什么事?”玛丽惊叫道,她的眼睛因震惊而睁得大大的。阁楼传来的奇怪声音引起了她的注意。
【分析】 直接引语“What on earth is going on?”强烈地表达出Mary听到奇怪声音后的震惊,与“her eyes wide with shock”的描述相结合,极大地增强了情境效果,使读者能深刻感受到人物的情绪。
(2019.06浙江卷)Para2:“Hurry up, or we'll miss the train!” Tom urged his friends, looking at his watch anxiously.
【翻译】 “快点,不然我们就赶不上火车了!”汤姆催促着他的朋友们,焦急地看着手表。
【分析】 “Hurry up, or we'll miss the train!”这一直接引语,充分体现了Tom担心错过火车的焦急心情,同时与“looking at his watch anxiously”的动作描写相配合,营造出紧张的氛围。
5. 添加背景描写以烘托场景
精心设计的背景描写犹如一幅绚丽的画卷,为故事搭建起生动的舞台,烘托出特定的氛围,让读者更深入地融入故事之中。
例如:
(2017.11浙江卷)Para 2: We drove through several states and saw lots of great sights along the way. I looked out of the car window, winding rivers, lofty mountains, sunny beaches and deep valleys holding me entirely in their fascination.
【翻译】 我们驾车穿越了几个州,一路上看到了许多壮丽的景色。我望向车窗外,蜿蜒的河流、巍峨的山脉、阳光明媚的海滩和深邃的山谷,完全把我迷住了。
【分析】 “视觉+环境描写+拟人修辞”结构,如“winding rivers, lofty mountains, sunny beaches and deep valleys holding me entirely in their fascination”,与首句提示语中的“lots of great sights”相互呼应,生动地再现了美丽风景对视觉的强烈冲击效果,让读者仿佛身临其境,感受到旅途的美妙。
又如:
(2018.11浙江卷)Para1:The small village was bathed in the warm sunlight. The old houses with their thatched roofs, the narrow cobblestone streets, and the friendly villagers chatting at the corner all contributed to a peaceful and idyllic scene.
【翻译】 这个小村庄沐浴在温暖的阳光下。有着茅草屋顶的老房子、狭窄的鹅卵石街道,以及在角落聊天的友善村民,共同构成了一幅宁静而田园般的景象。
【分析】 通过对村庄的房屋、街道、村民等细节的描写,营造出一种宁静祥和的氛围,与首句的场景相契合,为故事的发展奠定了温馨的基调。
(2019.06浙江卷)Para2:The storm was raging outside. The howling wind, the pelting rain, and the lightning that split the dark sky made the old house tremble.
【翻译】 外面暴风雨肆虐。呼啸的狂风、倾盆而下的大雨,以及划破黑暗天空的闪电,让这座老房子都颤抖起来。
【分析】 对暴风雨的描写,“howling wind, the pelting rain, and the lightning”等元素,生动地烘托出紧张、恐怖的氛围,与屋内人物的处境相呼应,增强了故事的感染力。
6. 引入新动作创造新的情境
巧妙引入新动作,就像为故事注入一股新的活力,创造出全新的情境,推动故事朝着意想不到的方向发展。
例如:
(2017.11浙江卷)Para 1: The next day we remembered the brand new tent we had brought with us. Dad exchanged a glance with me. Why not camp to satisfy Mom?
【翻译】 第二天,我们想起了带来的崭新帐篷。爸爸和我交换了一下眼神。为什么不露营来让妈妈开心呢?
【分析】 “动作描写+问句衔接”结构,“Dad exchanged a glance with me”这一动作描写承接首句提示语,随后“ Why not camp to satisfy Mom?”的问句创造了一个新的情境——“露营”,为故事增添了新的情节发展方向。
又如:
(2018.06浙江卷)Para2:As we were walking along the path, I suddenly spotted a shiny object under a tree. Curious, I rushed over to pick it up.
【翻译】 当我们沿着小路行走时,我突然在树下发现了一个闪闪发光的东西。出于好奇,我跑过去把它捡了起来。
【分析】 “I suddenly spotted a shiny object”引入新动作,引发了“rushed over to pick it up”这一系列后续动作,创造了一个发现新事物的新情境,使故事更加引人入胜。
(2019.06浙江卷)Para1:The bell rang, signaling the end of the class. Tom jumped out of his seat and rushed to the library, determined to find the book he needed for his project.
【翻译】 铃声响起,宣告下课。汤姆从座位上跳起来,冲向图书馆,决心找到他项目所需的那本书。
【分析】 “jumped out of his seat and rushed to the library”这一系列动作,在铃声响起这个背景下,创造了Tom急于去图书馆找书的新情境,推动了故事的发展。
7. 借助声音效果增强描写功效
声音效果仿佛是故事中的灵动音符,能够进一步拓展情境效果,让读者在听觉上也能感受到故事的魅力。
例如:
BOOM, CRASH! The wind was howling outside of my house. We were having a terrible thunder storm. I was very scared.
【翻译】 轰,哗啦!我家外面狂风呼啸。我们正遭遇一场可怕的雷暴雨。我非常害怕。
【分析】 “BOOM, CRASH!”以及“howling”这些音效词,生动地描绘出暴风雨的强烈,进一步拓展了首句所设定的情境效果,让读者能真切地感受到那种恐怖的氛围,增强了故事的感染力。
又如:
Ding dong! The doorbell rang, shattering the silence of the empty house. I wondered who could be at the door at this late hour.
【翻译】 叮咚!门铃响了,打破了空荡荡房子的寂静。我想知道这么晚了谁会在门口。
【分析】 “Ding dong!”这个门铃的声音,打破了房屋的寂静,瞬间引起读者的好奇心,使故事充满悬念,增强了情境的紧张感。
Click click. The old typewriter made a rhythmic sound as the writer's fingers danced on the keys, lost in his world of creation.
【翻译】 咔嗒,咔嗒。当作家的手指在键盘上舞动,沉浸在创作世界中时,那台旧打字机发出有节奏的声音。
【分析】 “Click click”模拟打字机的声音,为故事增添了一种复古而专注的氛围,让读者仿佛看到作家沉浸在创作中的场景,增强了描写的生动性。
8. 用疑问句引出新的话题或对事件的新的看法
疑问句如同开启新思考之门的钥匙,能够巧妙地引出新的话题,或者引导读者从新的角度看待事件,使故事更具深度与思考性。
例如:
Why does trouble always follow me around? Do I have a "kick me" sign on my back or something?
【翻译】 为什么麻烦总是跟着我?我背上是不是贴了个“来踢我”的牌子之类的东西?
【分析】 一般疑问句承接首句的特殊疑问句,进一步凸显了作者对“trouble”的无奈与困惑,引导读者思考主人公为何总是遇到麻烦,增加了故事的趣味性与思考空间。
又如:
What if we could turn back time? Would everything be different? These questions haunted her as she stared at the old photo.
【翻译】 如果我们能时光倒流会怎样?一切会有所不同吗?当她盯着那张旧照片时,这些问题萦绕在她心头。
【分析】 “What if we could turn back time?”和“Would everything be different?”这两个疑问句,引发了关于时光倒流和结果变化的思考。
综合演练:
That night, I quarreled with my mother, and then stormed out of the house. While on the road, I remembered that I did not have any money in my pocket, I did not even take my cell phone with me to make a call home.
At the same time, I went through a noodle shop, and I suddenly felt very hungry. I wished for a bowl of noodles, but I had no money!
The seller saw me standing before the counter and asked, “Hey little girl, you want to eat a bowl?” “But …but I do not carry money …” I shyly replied.
“Okay, I’ll treat you.” the seller said, “come in, I will cook you a bowl.”
A few minutes later the owner brought me a steaming bowl of noodles. After eating some pieces, I cried.
“What is it?” He asked.
“Nothing. I am just touched by your kindness!” I said as I wiped my tears. “Even a stranger on the street gives me a bowl of noodles, and my mother, after a quarrel, chased me out of the house. She is cruel (残忍的)!”
The seller sighed, “Girl, why did you think so? Think again. I only gave you a bowl of noodles and you felt that way. Your mother has been taking care of you since you were little, why were you not grateful and why did you hurt your mom? You should say sorry to your mom.”
I was really surprised after hearing that.
Why did I not think of that? A bowl of noodles from a stranger made me feel grateful, and my mother has raised me since I was little and I have never felt so, not even a little.
注意:
1. 所续写短文的词数应为 150 左右;
2. 续写部分为两段,开头语已为你写好;
Paragraph 1:
Just at that moment, many memories came back into my mind.
______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Paragraph 2:
Before I could apologize, my mother saw me and rushed to me
___________________________________________________________________________________________________________
单句训练
1. 就在这时,我又想起了许多记忆。
2. 当我生病的时候,她总是照顾我。
3. 当我回到家时,她总是准备我最喜欢的食物。
4. 她所有的善良都回到了我身上。
5. 我应该感激她为我所做的一切,我意识到我应该立即回家,向她说对不起。
6. 回到家,我看到母亲坐在餐桌旁,担心又累。
7. 我还没来得及道歉,妈妈就看见了我,冲向我说:“哦,亲爱的,你回来了!”
8. 我准备好了你最喜欢的面条。
9. 听到这话,我忍不住倒在她的怀里。
10. “对不起,妈妈,请原谅我,”我低声对她说,眼泪流下来,为自己感到羞愧。
参考答案:
【分析】本文以故事发展的顺序为线索展开,讲述了作者和妈妈吵了一架,然后冲出了房子,也没有给家里打电话。作者走过一家面馆,突然觉得很饿,想要一碗面条,但是没有钱,面馆老板免费请作者吃了一碗面。作者感悟到一个陌生人一碗面条都能让他心怀感激,从小妈妈就把他养大,但却从来没有这样的感觉,作者对此进行反思。
【详解】1.段落续写:
由续写段落的首句“Just at that moment, many memories came back into my mind.(就在那一刻,许多回忆涌上了我的脑海。)”及前文“Why did I not think of that? A bowl of noodles from a stranger made me feel grateful, and my mother has raised me since I was little and I have never felt so, not even a little.( 我以前怎么从来没有感受到呢?一个陌生人给我的一碗面条让我心怀感激,从小妈妈就把我养大,我从来没有这样的感觉,一点也没有。)”可知,本段续写内容主要写作者经过反思,意识到母亲对自己的好,然后回家以及回家后母亲对他的宽容态度。
2.续写线索:反思——回忆——生活细节——回家——款待——感动、羞愧
3.词汇激活
行为类
①.到达:arrive/get to/reach
②.回家:go back home/return home
情绪类
①.感谢:be grateful/show my appreciation/show my gratitude
②.羞愧:ashamed / blush for
[高分句型
1. When arriving home, I saw my mother sitting at the dinner table, worried and tired.(此句运用了状语从句中的省略,从句的主语与主句一致,且从句中含有be动词时,从句中可将主语与be动词省略。)
2. Before I could apologize, my mother saw me and rushed to me “Oh, honey, you’re back! I have prepared your favorite noodles.”(本句中运用了before引导的时间状语从句。)
单句训练
1) Just at that moment, many memories came back into my mind.
2) When I was ill, she always took care of me .
3) When I arrived home, she always prepared my favorite food.
4) All her kindness came back to me.
5) I should be grateful for all she had done for me, I realized I should go back home immediately and say sorry to her.
6) When arriving home, I saw my mother sitting at the dinner table, worried and tired.
7) Before I could apologize, my mother saw me and rushed to me “Oh, honey, you’re back!
8) I have prepared your favorite noodles.”
9) Hearing this,I couldn’t help throwing myself into her arms.
10) “Sorry, Mom, please forgive me, ” I whispered to her with tears streaming down my cheeks, ashamed of myself.
范文
Just at that moment, many memories came back into my mind. When I was ill, she always took care of me .When I arrived home, she always prepared my favorite food. All her kindness came back to me. I should be grateful for all she had done for me, I realized I should go back home immediately and say sorry to her. When arriving home, I saw my mother sitting at the dinner table, worried and tired.
Before I could apologize, my mother saw me and rushed to me “Oh, honey, you’re back! I have prepared your favorite noodles.” Hearing this,I couldn’t help throwing myself into her arms. “Sorry, Mom, please forgive me, ” I whispered to her with tears streaming down my cheeks, ashamed of myself.
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