内容正文:
露西和妈妈吵架,雨夜相拥重归于好
读后续写评分原则明确了对词汇应用的丰富性、准确性的要求。为了达成这一要求,可以遵循词汇具体化原则和短语优先原则。
1.词汇具体化原则
减少笼统性、概括性词汇的使用,多使用一些具体化的词汇。因为具体化的表达比笼统性、概括性的词汇更能生动地描绘画面,引起读者的共鸣。按照词性进行划分,常用的笼统词变具体词示例如下:
(1)名词
•thing→business (事情)、 issue (问题)、 affair (事件)、 matter (事态)、 event (大事)、 trifle (琐事)
•advantage→virtue (优点;长处)、 merit (优点;价值)、 benefit (优势;益处)
•disadvantage→shortcoming (缺点;短处)、 drawback (缺点;不利条件)、 defect (缺陷)、 demerit (短处)
•mistake→fault (过错)、 error (错误;差错)、 fallacy (谬论;谬误)
•fame→reputation (名誉;名声)、 renown (名誉;声望)、 prestige (声望;威信)
•top→climax (极点;顶点)、 peak (顶峰)、 zenith (鼎盛时期;顶峰)、 summit (最高点;顶点)
•way→means (方法)、 method (方法;办法)、 approach (方式;方法)、 avenue (途径;手段)
(2)动词
•walk→stroll (溜达)、 stagger (蹒跚)、 slide (快捷而悄声地移动)、 tiptoe (踮着脚走,蹑手蹑脚地走)、 creep (缓缓行进;潜行)、 wander (漫步;闲逛)、 stride (阔步行走)、 march (行进;齐步走)
•run→charge (猛冲)、 dart (飞奔)、 gallop (疾驰)、 sprint (冲刺)
•say/talk→announce (宣布)、 declare (宣布)、 exclaim (呼喊)、 argue (争论)、 chat (闲聊)、 complain (抱怨)、 debate (辩论)、 discuss (讨论)、 murmur (低语)、 whisper (低语;耳语)、 persuade (说服)
•cry→wail (哭号,恸哭)、 sob (啜泣;呜咽)
•laugh→chuckle (轻声地笑)、 giggle (咯咯地笑;傻笑)、 tease (嘲笑)
•eat→bite (咬)、 chew (咀嚼)、 devour (狼吞虎咽地吃)、 swallow (吞下;咽下)
•drink→drain (喝光,喝干)、 sip (小口喝;抿)、 suck (吮吸;吸)
•want→crave (渴望;热望)、 desire (渴望;期望)、 long (渴望)
•catch→capture (捕获)、 grasp (抓紧;抓牢)、 seize (抓住;捉住)
•hit→pat (轻拍)、 beat (敲打;锤砸)、 strike (撞击)
•break→crack (裂开;破开)、 demolish (拆毁,拆除)、 destroy (摧毁;毁灭)、 damage (损坏)
(3)形容词和副词
•beautiful→handsome (英俊的)、 attractive (吸引人的)、 graceful (优雅的)、 fine (精美的)
•glad→excited (兴奋的)、 pleasant (愉快的)、 joyful (欢喜的)
•important→vital (至关重要的)、 critical (决定性的)、 significant (意义重大的)、 primary (首要的)、 profound (深刻的)
•bad→mean (吝啬的)、 evil (邪恶的)、 selfish (自私的)、 disgusting (令人恶心的)
•good→excellent (优秀的)、 awesome (令人惊叹的)、 outstanding (杰出的)
•poor→impoverished (赤贫的)、 needy (贫困的)、 povertystricken (一贫如洗的)
•very→terribly (极度地)、 extremely (极其)、 highly (非常)、 greatly (极大地)
•nearby→adjacent (毗连的)、 neighboring (邻近的,毗邻的)
•all→completely (彻底地)、 absolutely (绝对地)、 fully (充分地)
•only→merely (只不过)、 solely (单独地;唯一地)
•usually→periodically (周期性地)、 regularly (定期地)
2.短语优先原则
使用释义相同或相近的短语替换单词,可以达到强化表达的效果。较为常见的替换有动词→动词短语、形容词→of+名词、副词→副词短语和介词→介词短语。高频的单词替换成短语的情况归纳如下:
•like→have a passion for、 have a preference for、 be keen on、 be passionate about
•start/begin→get down to、 set out to do、 set about doing
•appreciate→be grateful for
•raise→put forward
•use→make use of、 make the most of、 take advantage of
•desire→long for、 feel an urge to do
•decide→make up one's mind、 determine to do
•cry→burst into tears、 burst out crying
•come→draw near
•meet→come across、 run into
•think→ponder over、 reflect on、 hold the view
•bear→put up with
•affect→have an effect/impact/influence on
•remember→bear...in mind、 remind sb. of sth.
•know/realize→be aware of
•help sb.→give/lend sb. a hand、 do sb. a favour
•understand→figure out、 make sense of
•own→be in possession of
•believe→be convinced of
•tired→worn out、 stressed out
•stress→lay emphasis on、 attach great importance to doing
•solve→work out、 figure out
•replace→take the place of
•see→catch sight of、 on seeing
•suit→be suitable for、 be fit for
•refuse→turn down、 decline to do
•attract→appeal to
•usually→more often than not、 on a regular basis
•about→with regard to
•finally→in the end、 at length、 at last
•important→of importance
•valuable→of value
阅读下面的材料,根据其内容和所给段落开头语续写两段,使之构成一篇完整的短文。
[1]On a dark stormy night, Lucy, dressed in a bright yellow raincoat covered in dirty mud, was sitting on her house step, waiting for her mom to come home. After she waited for an hour, she became scared. She could hear noises that made her feel lonelier and more abandoned.
[2]Various horrible thoughts rolled through her head. She thought her mom didn't want her anymore and had left her to tend for (照料) herself. She thought that something might have happened to her that would affect her life forever. Suddenly she saw lights from a car. Her face lit up but as soon as she saw the car clearly, she realized it wasn't her mom's car.
[3]However, the car was heading straight for her. She was so afraid of being abducted (诱拐) by someone that she started to scream. She had heard so many stories from her teacher that had terrified her. Her teacher told her what happened to so many people who were abducted. She didn't want to be one of those people. She began to think about all the wonderful times she had spent with her mom.
[4]In the meantime, she began to think of what she had said to her mom before she left that morning. She had said that she was the worst mom and that she never wanted to see her or talk to her again in her life. How she wished she had never said any of those horrible words to her mom.
[5]As the car came closer and closer she began to cry and realized that this might be the last time she ever saw her family again. As the mysterious figure got out of the car, she couldn't see the person's face because it was so dark. All she could see was the silver outline of the figure.
注意:续写词数应为150个左右。
Lucy was scared half to death but then she heard a familiar voice._______________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________
“That's OK, my darling, but do you like my new car?”____________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________
一审——审要素
【When & Where】
[1]On a dark stormy night, Lucy dressed in a bright yellow raincoat covered in dirty mud, was sitting on_her_house_step,_waiting for her mom to come home.
【Who】
Lucy, Lucy's mom
【What & Why】
[2]She thought her mom didn't want her anymore and had left her to tend_for_herself.
[2] Suddenly she saw_lights from a car. Her face lit up but as soon as she saw the car clearly, she realized it wasn't her mom's car.
[3]However, the car was heading_straight for her.
[3]She began to think about all the wonderful times she had_spent_with_her_mom.
[4]In the meantime, she began to think of what_she_had_said to her mom before she left that morning.
[5]As the car came closer_and_closer she began to cry and realized that this might be the last time she ever saw her family again.
【How】
[1]After she waited for an hour, she became scared.
[2]Various horrible thoughts rolled through her head.
[3]She was so afraid of being abducted by someone that she started to scream.
[4]How she wished she had never said any of those horrible words to her mom.
二定——定主题:正能量原则
Through this experience, Lucy realized that her mom had_forgiven_the_horrible_words and would always love her.
三构思——QA模式:构思每段三个微情节
根据第一段段首句可知,下文续写内容为:
[Question 1] Who did Lucy see?
[Answer] Lucy_saw_her_mom.
[Question 2] What was Lucy's response?
[Answer] Lucy_burst_into_crying_and_held_her_mom's_jacket_tightly.
[Question 3] What did her mom say?(和第二段段首句衔接)
[Answer] Her_mom_explained_why_she_was_out.
根据第二段段首句可知,下文续写内容为:
[Question 1] What did Lucy do?
[Answer] She_looked_at_the_car_curiously.
[Question 2] What did her mom say?
[Answer] Her_mom_said_in_her_mind_Lucy_was_always_the_prettiest.
[Question 3] What moral would the story express?
[Answer] Through_this_experience,_Lucy_realized_that_her_mom_had_forgiven_the_horrible_words_and_would_always_love_her._
四成文——梳理思路,完成正文
特别关注语言协同: 模仿原文的亮点词汇、语法结构和亮点句型。
Lucy was scared half to death but then she heard a familiar voice._______________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________
“That's OK, my darling, but do you like my new car?”____________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________
One possible version:
Lucy was scared half to death but then she heard a familiar voice. “Lucy? It's Mommy.” The voice trembled slightly, cutting through the rain. Lucy froze and looked closer. With the car's headlights, she recognized her mom's face—full of nervous but warm, with raindrops sliding down her cheeks.(微情节一:神秘人原来是妈妈) Tears burst from Lucy's eyes. She dashed forward, crashing into her mom's arms. “I thought you left me!” she cried, fingers holding her mom's wet jacket tightly like a lifeline. Her small body shook with sobs. Her mom knelt, hugging her back.(微情节二:母女二人深情相拥) “I'm so sorry. Our car broke down, and that's why I was out. I'd never leave you.” She wiped Lucy's tears gently and said in a comforting tone.(微情节三:妈妈解释外出的原因)
“That's OK, my darling, but do you like my new car?” Lucy gradually calmed down and she glanced at the car curiously. It was deep blue and shiny with raindrops glistening on its roof. “It's pretty,” she murmured, with no intention to let go of her mother's hand.(微情节一:露西逐渐冷静下来) Her mom laughed. “I borrowed it from our neighbor. But always bear it in mind that nothing's prettier than my girl.” She kissed Lucy's forehead.(微情节二:妈妈表达她对露西的爱) Lucy buried her face in her mom's shoulder. “I didn't mean it.” She continued to apologize for her words. Her mom smiled, lifting her up. “Let's get inside, sweetie.” They closed the door, leaving the storm behind.(微情节三:露西主动道歉,母女二人和好)
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