内容正文:
阅读下面材料,根据其内容和所给段落开头语续写两段,使之构成一篇完整的短文。
With three little babies, I never took a break, completely ignoring any self-care. When I was too tired to make myself dinner, I’d just eat the kids’ leftover cereal (麦片粥). I thought this was a great plan to lose some weight and called it the “Cereal for Diet.” Back then, I knew nothing about nutrition. Of course, the Cereal for Diet failed, as did all my other attempts.
One day, after cleaning up all the mess my kids had made, I went out for a walk. I passed a gym. I looked away. Healthy people went there, but this was not me. While turning away, I saw an ad for a six-month fitness challenge. I continued my fast walk in the opposite direction, but that sign just stayed on my mind.
I still remember what finally motivated me to sign up for the challenge. It was a ten-minute period in which my son threw his spaghetti plate straight up, sending noodles and sauce flying everywhere. As soon as my husband got home, I said, “You’re in charge.”
I made a beeline for the gym, marched straight in and said, “Fix me.” And I was assigned a young and fit trainer, Emily. She asked what my goals were for the six-month challenge. At that moment, I was speechless. Noticing my embarrassment, Emily just handed me the heaviest weights I had in my life and said, “Okay, so in six months you will compete in a body-building show.” I tried explaining, “No, I don’t want to do a show. That sounds scary.” She ignored my fear, and we jumped into strict workouts and nutrition planning.
Over the next six months, Emily forced me to focus on myself — my wants and my needs. I learned to see food as strength and sweat as progress. I learned how to fuel my body instead of starving it, balancing proteins, carbs, and fats. Emily pushed me past my limits, correcting my form, timing my breaks, and cheering me on when I wanted to quit. I improved every day in the gym.
注意:
(1) 续写词数应为 150 左右;
(2) 请按如下格式在答题卡的相应位置作答。
Paragraph 1: One day, Emily handed me an application form. _______________________
Paragraph 2: Soon, I jumped into weeks of preparation. _______________________
Paragraph 1: One day, Emily handed me an application form. The words “body-building show” printed at the top made my fingers freeze in mid-air. A familiar wave of doubt rose in my chest, and I took a small step back, almost pushing the form back to her. “I can’t,” I whispered, my voice as shaky as my hands. Sensing my fear, Emily placed a steady hand on my shoulder and looked straight into my eyes. “You’ve already shown strength every single day. This form only proves what you’ve become,” she said softly. Her confidence wrapped around me like warm light. My heart thumped wildly, torn between fear and longing. After a long breath, I slowly picked up the pen, my name forming on the paper with trembling strokes. At that moment, I felt a quiet shift inside me — a belief beginning to grow.
Paragraph 2: Soon, I jumped into weeks of preparation. My muscles screamed through early-morning training sessions, sweat dripping onto the floor as I repeated each pose again and again. Still, every correction Emily gave, every “You can do this,” pushed me forward. Gradually, frustration turned into focus, and fear into determination. On the day of the show, standing backstage in the bright lights and the smell of tanning spray, I suddenly realized I was no longer the exhausted mother who once lived on leftover cereal. As my name was called, I lifted my chin, feeling strength rise from the months of effort. Stepping onto the stage, I wasn’t just showing my body—I was showing the woman I had finally allowed myself to become.
One day, Emily handed me an application form.
The words “body-building show” printed at the top made my fingers freeze in mid-air.
表格顶端印着“健美比赛”几个字,让我举着的手一下僵在半空。
A familiar wave of doubt rose in my chest, and I took a small step back, almost pushing the form back to her.
一阵熟悉的怀疑在胸口升起,我下意识后退半步,几乎把表推回给她。
“I can’t,” I whispered, my voice as shaky as my hands.
“我不行。”我低声说,声音和手一样在发抖。
Sensing my fear, Emily placed a steady hand on my shoulder and looked straight into my eyes.
Emily 察觉到我的恐惧,把一只稳稳的手放在我肩上,直视着我的眼睛。
“You’ve already shown strength every single day. This form only proves what you’ve become,” she said softly.
“你每天都在展示力量。这张表只不过是在证明你已经成为什么样的人。”她轻声说道。
Her confidence wrapped around me like warm light.
她的自信像一束温暖的光包围着我。
My heart thumped wildly, torn between fear and longing.
我的心怦怦直跳,在恐惧和渴望之间拉扯。
After a long breath, I slowly picked up the pen, my name forming on the paper with trembling strokes.
深吸一口气后,我慢慢拿起笔,颤抖着写下了自己的名字。
At that moment, I felt a quiet shift inside me — a belief beginning to grow.
就在那一刻,我感觉内心悄悄发生了一点变化——一种新的信念开始萌芽。
Soon, I jumped into weeks of preparation.
My muscles screamed through early-morning training sessions, sweat dripping onto the floor as I repeated each pose again and again.
清晨的训练让肌肉疼得像在尖叫,反复练习每一个动作时,汗水一滴滴落在地板上。
Still, every correction Emily gave, every “You can do this,” pushed me forward.
然而,Emily 的每一次纠正、每一句“你可以做到”,都推动着我继续向前。
Gradually, frustration turned into focus, and fear into determination.
渐渐地,挫败感变成了专注,恐惧变成了坚定。
On the day of the show, standing backstage in the bright lights and the smell of tanning spray, I suddenly realized I was no longer the exhausted mother who once lived on leftover cereal.
比赛当天,我站在后台的灯光和喷雾味道中,突然意识到自己已不再是那个靠吃孩子剩下的麦片度日的疲惫母亲。
As my name was called, I lifted my chin, feeling strength rise from the months of effort.
当主持人叫到我的名字时,我抬起下巴,感到力量从数月的努力中涌上来。
Stepping onto the stage, I wasn’t just showing my body—I was showing the woman I had finally allowed myself to become.
走上舞台的那一刻,我展示的不是身体——而是那个我终于允许自己成为的女人。
一、主题与主旨大意
主题:
自我成长与自我价值的重建。主角从疲惫的母亲到勇敢挑战自我的参赛者,完成心理与身体的双重蜕变。
主旨大意:
在教练 Emily 的鼓励下,“我”从怀疑、自卑、害怕走向勇气、自律与坚持,最终敢于迈向舞台,获得久违的力量感。
二、主要矛盾
外在冲突:
“我”认为健身房、舞台、比赛都不属于自己 —— 环境压力与不自信的矛盾。
内在冲突(核心):
“我”长期忽略自我,心里仍把自己当作“无力又不值得被关注的母亲”。
比赛申请表让“我”必须面对:
我到底值不值得花时间在自己身上?
三、故事起因与冲突诱因
起因: 六个月训练后,“我”有所改变,但仍未真正承认自己的力量。
冲突诱因(核心点):
Emily 递上“参赛申请表”,逼“我”面对真正的自我挑战,引发恐惧、犹豫与逃避。
四、人物性格分析(续写所需)
“我”: 温柔、疲惫、长期压抑;内心敏感但渴望被肯定;具备意志但不自知。
Emily: 坚定、有耐心、有远见;善于用行动推动“我”,引导式力量型人物。
五、续写部分“四个情节”规划
Paragraph 1 两个情节:
情节1(情绪冲突):看到报名表,我心里恐惧又自我怀疑,觉得“不配上台”;动作链:手心发汗、后退一步、想把表推回去。
情节2(情感突破):Emily 温和却坚定地鼓励我,告诉我“你已经不是当初的你”,我在她的陪伴下鼓起勇气签下名字。
Paragraph 2 两个情节:
情节3(外在行动推进):进入高强度备赛,我忍受酸痛,坚持反复练习动作,情绪从焦虑转向更坚定。
情节4(情感升华):比赛当天站在幕后,我突然意识到自己已经真正成为“为自己而战的女人”,心中涌起自豪与力量。
这篇续写用词精准,画面感极强,且情感逻辑非常顺畅,主要亮点如下:
细节描写极具画面感:
"fingers freeze in mid-air"(手指僵在半空):形象地刻画了惊讶和抗拒。
"voice as shaky as my hands"(声音像手一样颤抖):很好的明喻(simile),表现了内心的极度不安。
"sweat dripping onto the floor"(汗水滴落在地板上):展现了训练的艰辛。
高级修辞与感官描写:
拟人:"My muscles screamed"(肌肉在尖叫),生动地描写了身体的痛苦和极限。
比喻:"Her confidence wrapped around me like warm light"(她的自信像温暖的光包裹着我),非常优美的表达,体现了Emily带来的治愈力量。
嗅觉描写:"smell of tanning spray"(美黑喷雾的味道),这个细节非常真实,瞬间把读者带入比赛后台的现场感。
情感与主题的完美回扣:
在第二段特意提到了 "no longer the exhausted mother who once lived on leftover cereal"。
这是最高级的写法:没有忘记文章开头的伏笔(那个吃孩子剩饭的妈妈),在结尾处把它拿出来做一个强烈的对比(Contrast),有力地升华了主题——她不仅赢了比赛,更赢回了尊严。
结尾有力:
"I wasn’t just showing my body—I was showing the woman I had finally allowed myself to become."
这句话金句频出,富有哲理,直接将整篇文章的立意拔高了。
总结: 这篇范文的语言难度适中偏难,逻辑严密,情感动人。完全可以直接作为“标杆范文”发给学生背诵!
温州一模的这篇读后续写材料选材精当、逻辑严密,是一道非常标准且具有较高区分度的高质量试题。
它完美契合了新高考英语对于“核心素养”*的考查要求,具体可以从以下四个维度进行专业评价:
1. 选材立意:紧扣“立德树人”,具有极强的育人价值
主题语境:属于“人与自我”主题语境下的“生活与学习”及“身心健康”范畴。
教育意义:文章讲述了一位被家庭琐事和错误减肥观念困扰的母亲,通过运动找回自我、重塑信心的故事。这不仅是关于健身,更是关于女性自我觉醒和毅力的教育。
正能量导向:符合新课标“五育并举”中“体育”与“德育”的结合,引导学生关注身心健康,理解“坚持”与“科学方法”的重要性,价值观非常正向。
2. 文本逻辑:伏笔清晰,矛盾冲突设置巧妙
出题人在截取文本时,保留了非常完整的叙事链条,为学生留下了明显的“续写接口”:
矛盾冲突:
第一段续写任务:段首句 "Emily handed me an application form" 直接触发了前文埋下的伏笔。此时的冲突点在于:作者内心的恐惧 vs. 教练的信任/作者想要改变的决心。学生必须解决这个心理矛盾,才能逻辑通顺地过渡到签字报名。
协同效应:前文的 "Cereal for Diet"(错误的节食)与后文 Emily 教导的 "fuel my body"(科学的饮食)形成了鲜明对比,这给续写结尾的升华提供了极好的素材(呼应前文,不仅身体变强,观念也变了)。
3. 续写接口:段首句限制性强,有效防止跑题
第一段首句:One day, Emily handed me an application form.
功能:强制开启情节的“转折点”。它要求学生必须描写面对挑战时的心理活动(犹豫、挣扎)以及最终的抉择(签字)。
第二段首句:Soon, I jumped into weeks of preparation.
功能:直接将时间线拉到“备赛期”。这就隐性规定了第一段的结尾必须是“我接受了挑战/报了名”。
内容导向:第二段必须描写备赛的艰辛(呼应前文的strict workouts)以及比赛现场的高潮时刻。
总结
这道题非常“规矩”且“经典”。它没有怪异生僻的情节,依靠情感的深度和前后文的呼应来考察学生的语言运用能力。对于学生:这是一次展示描写能力(心理+动作)和逻辑构建能力的好机会。
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