2025届高考英语应用文：审-评-改三个维度 课件

英语应用文 审—评--改 Teaching objectives To learn how to analyze the requirements in practical writing To learn the scoring criteria To score the works written by students according to the standard 原题再现（济宁期末） 66. 假定你是李华，上周末你校举办了冬季运动会，你目睹了很多感人瞬间，请你给英国朋友Ryan写封邮件分享其中一个。内容包括： 1.感人瞬间； 2.你的感想。 注意： 1.写作词数应为80个左右； 2.请按如下格式在答题卡的相应位置作答。 审题 文体： 背景分析： 时间： 地点： 人物： 写信对象： 三. 写作要点： 书信，朋友之间（非正式） 上周末（过去式） 你们学校 运动员 Ryan (李华的外国朋友：对等关系) 介绍感人瞬间+个人感想 篇章构思 第一段： 第二段： 第三段： 引入话题 描述感人瞬间 表达感想 What sports events can you think of ? Track and field meets: 100-meter dash/race 200-meter dash the relay race high jump long jump skip rope shot put （铅球） tug-of –war(拔河) Ball games: basketball game football match badminton competition table tennis 第一段：引入话题 简要提及上周末学校举办了冬季运动会，引出要分享一个感人瞬间的主题，让朋友了解邮件背景。 Dear Ryan, How are you? Last weekend, our school held an exciting Winter Sports Meeting. It was filled with intense competitions and, more importantly, many heartwarming moments. I can't wait to share one of them with you 第二段：描述感人瞬间 (Body) What touching moments can you describe? Olympic Motto Faster, Higher, Stronger 更团结 Together(2021) 必修一 Unit 3 Developing ideas 真题再现 2022年全国新课标卷I 第二节(满分25分) 阅读下面材料，根据其内容和所给段落开头语续写两段，使之构成一篇完整的短文。 It was the day of the big cross-country run. Students from seven different primary schools in and around the small town were warming up and walking the route(路线)through thick evergreen forest. I looked around and finally spotted David, who was standing by himself off to the side by a fence. He was small for ten years old. His usual big toothy smile was absent today. I walked over and asked him why he wasn’t with the other children. He hesitated and then said he had decided not to run. What was wrong? He had worked so hard for this event! I quickly searched the crowd for the school’s coach and asked him what had happened. “I was afraid that kids from other schools would laugh at him,” he explained uncomfortably. “I gave him the choice to run or not, and let him decide.” I bit back my frustration(懊恼). I knew the coach meant well—he thought he was doing the right thing. After making sure that David could run if he wanted, I turned to find him coming towards me, his small body rocking from side to side as he swung his feet forward. David had a brain disease which prevented him from walking or running like other children, but at school his classmates thought of him as a regular kid. He always participated to the best of his ability in whatever they were doing. That was why none of the children thought it unusual that David had decided to join the cross-country team. It just took him longer—that’s all. David had not missed a single practice, and although he always finished his run long after the other children, he did always finish. As a special education teacher at the school, I was familiar with the challenges David faced and was proud of his strong determination. Para.1 We sat down next to each other, but David wouldn’t look at me. Para.2 I watched as David moved up to the starting line with the other runners. Para. 2 I watched as David moved up to the starting line with the other runners. With a blast of the gun, David tried his best to shoot from the start line, but he failed. Painful and a bit embarrassed as he was, he still dragged his feet to keep moving forward. The sun was beating down, the hot weather suffocating. After what seemed years, David, rocking his small body like a cat on a hot brick, eventually finished his run as the last one. When approaching the finish line, he burst into a big toothy smile and waved to me with excitement, crying “ I made it! I made it!” All the kids including those from other schools erupted into a big applause, cheering for his determination and persistence. At that moment, a flush of admiration and joy swept over me. General introduction: Background What he saw/heard How he felt 选择性必修一 Unit 3 第二段：描述感人瞬间 详细讲述在长跑比赛中，一位同学摔倒后，其他同学放弃竞争名次，纷纷折返去搀扶他，一起冲过终点的场景，重点刻画同学们的动作、表情等细节。 During the 1500-meter race, the track was icy in some parts. One runner slipped and fell heavily. Instead of seizing the chance to speed ahead, several nearby runners immediately stopped in their tracks. They turned back without hesitation, their faces full of concern. With great care, they helped the fallen classmate up and supported him, step by step, towards the finish line. The crowd, which had been silent for a moment, erupted into thunderous applause. 第三段：表达感想 阐述这个瞬间让自己看到了同学间真挚的友谊、团结精神，以及超越比赛胜负的高尚品质，表明此事对自己的触动。/体育精神 合理的废话 Feelings – 体育精神类 Every single member of the team took pains to fight in the game. Strong team spirit contributes greatly to their success. Winning gold in the competition capture the team’s competitive spirit. Their perseverance paid off with an epic comeback against the defending champion. Showing a strong will/ the steeliest nerves, they played a close match against…他们表现出坚强的意志/钢铁般的意志，与对手进行了一场势均力敌的比赛… This moment really touched me deeply. It made me realize that in our school life, friendship and unity are far more precious than winning a race. It's these qualities that make our school community so warm and strong. I believe such beautiful moments can also be found everywhere in your school life. Hope you're having a great time! Dear Ryan, How is it going? You won’t believe it — the 4×400m relay at our Winter Sports Meet totally stole the spotlight! The story goes like this. Our lead runner was racing towards victory, when out of nowhere, he tripped and fell just a few meters from the finish line, spraining his ankle. Despite the intense pain, he struggled to his feet and inched towards the finish line determinedly, which earned great cheers of encouragement from the crowd, fueling his resolve. Finally, he made it. His perseverance is admirable and inspiring, serving as a powerful reminder that we should never give up easily when striving for our goals, however difficult the circumstances. Stay in touch and exchange more of our life’s beautiful stories in the future. Best regards, Li Hua 译文： 亲爱的瑞安： 最近怎么样？你绝对想不到，我们冬季运动会的 4×400 米接力赛成了全场焦点！ 事情是这样的。我们的第一棒选手一路领先，眼看就要冲线，却突然在离终点线几米远的地方绊倒了，扭伤了脚踝。尽管疼痛难忍，他还是挣扎着站起来，一瘸一拐地向终点线挪去，这种坚定的毅力赢得了观众阵阵加油声，也激励着他继续前进。最终，他成功冲线。他的坚韧不拔令人钦佩，也鼓舞着我们，无论情况多么艰难，都不要轻易放弃。 期待未来能与你分享更多生活中的美好故事，保持联系。 评分标准 评分标准 评分标准 评分标准 评分标准 passion for amounts of 大量的，修饰不可数名词 Share the most impressive one was moved competition Unexpectedly， he tripped and fell just a few meters from the finish line, spraining his ankle. 10分 错误分析与修改  表达较生硬，“substantial”在这里使用不太合适，可改为“I saw many touching moments in this event.”  At the beginning he ran so fast that he was in front of all the other athletes” he stood up and headed for the finish line desperately.” All of our sweat and tears will pay off 12分 1. “I'm writing to share a touching moment to you”中，“share sth. with sb.”是固定搭配，表示“与某人分享某事”，所以应把“to”改为“with”。 2. “Despite he was pain”，“despite”是介词，其后不能接句子，应改为“Although/Though he was in pain” 3. “any diffculties”拼写错误，“diffculties”应改为“difficulties”。 9分 11分 an organized needed When the gunshot rang out The audience burst into thunderous applause. Inspire sb. to do 卷面！！！ 8分 未能有效地表达必要的背景信息 感人瞬间？ 感受？ 8分 Reflection How can we achieve a first-class composition? 细审题 重思维 强语言 促连贯 Homework 假定你是李华，上周末你校举办了冬季运动会，你目睹了很多感人瞬间，请你给英国朋友Ryan写封邮件分享其中一个。内容包括： 1.感人瞬间； 2.你的感想。 注意： 1.写作词数应为80个左右； 2.请按如下格式在答题卡的相应位置作答。 Lavf57.83.100 $$