Unit 5 Section 读后续写微讲堂(Word教参)-【状元桥·优质课堂】2024-2025学年高中英语必修第二册（人教版2019）

读后续写入门篇之设计有效对话(二) 三、有效对话的转换 在读后续写中，对话虽容易出现偏离人设、可有可无和偏离主线等问题，但仍是刻画人物情绪、形象的重要方式之一。为减少这些问题出现的几率，并增加文章内容表达的丰富性，不妨将一些对话转化为人物的心理，或者将直接引语转为间接引语。少而精的对话不仅能活化场景，还更能突出主题。 学生案例3 请阅读下面段落，试判断文中对话(斜体字)是否有效，并说明理由。 (Para.2)Abe's eyes became very wide.①“It's a book！” he screamed with surprise! His mouth became big, and his hands shook excitedly.②“It's for me, really？” he asked with gleaming eyes.③“Of course, my beloved.” Answered his mom.And then she put her hands around his shoulders and kissed him, ④“I hope it can make you happy，” Mom said with deep love.Hearing this, Abe smiled with tears running out, hugging his mom tightly and said, ⑤“Thank you, Mom.” [习作品析] 属于有效对话。理由：该段通过语言、动作、神态描写描述了Abe看到礼物后惊喜地叫出来，非常不可置信。在母亲用语言和行动表示肯定(“Of course, my beloved.”， put her hands around his shoulders and kissed him)后，Abe微笑着投入母亲的怀抱。案例3情节设置合理，对Abe和母亲的刻画栩栩如生，期间使用了五句对话，①②突出了Abe 的惊喜和不可置信，③④表明了母亲对Abe 的关心和爱意。第⑤处对话则表明了Abe收到礼物、得到母亲的关爱后的感激之情，回归主题，以自然的语言点明中心思想——赞扬母爱。 学生案例4 请阅读下面段落，对比案例3，试品读二者表达效果上的差异。 (Para.2)Abe's eyes became very wide.He put down the food, and carefully opened it with a jumping-fast heart.It was a book! It was so unbelievable and he was too excited to say a word.He turned to his stepmother slowly.She just put her hands around his shoulders and kissed him.With tears dropping from Abe's eyes, he ran to Mom's warm hug, smiled and said thanks to her. [习作品析] 本段同样描绘了Abe看到礼物后的惊喜和不可置信，却不是通过语言描写，而是通过心理描写(It was a book！)和非对话的描述性句子(It was so unbelievable)。本段段末使用了间接引语(said thanks to her)表达Abe的感激之情。在内容上案例4和案例3相差无几；在表达效果上，案例3中对话使用频率较高，促进情节的发展，但是描写的镜头随着对话在Abe和母亲之间转换，画面一直处于“有声”状态以至于没有重点突出之感。案例4无对话描写，一直给人以“无声”的画面，这使得结尾处饱含深情的感谢也被平淡地转述(said thanks to her)出来，感情力度大打折扣。因此，对话应以短而精炼的形式存在于续写之中。有些对话可用心理描写、间接引语等方式进行转换，这样既可以丰富表达方式，又可突出重点，活化画面。 [尝试修改] Abe's eyes became very wide.He put down the food, carefully opened it with a jumping-fast heart.It was a book! It was so unbelievable and he was too excited to say a word.He turned to his stepmother slowly.She just put her hands around his shoulders and kissed him.With tears falling down, Abe ran to Mom's warm hug, smiled and said gently, “Thank you, Mom.” [名师点评] 在修改后的片段中，前四句话用动作、心理表达Abe的惊喜激动，而最后一句：With tears falling down, Abe ran to Mom's warm hug, smiled and said gently, “Thank you Mom.”前半句仍通过人物的神态、动作描写展现人物情感和品质，在大段的无声人物描写铺垫下，最后仅有的一句对话“Thank you，Mom”， 掷地有声，使画面有声有色，突出了结尾，也让Abe母子间的感情在读者心中回味无穷。 四、有效对话的赏析 有效的对话不仅能暗示人物身份，展示人物性格，传递人物情感，还能推动故事情节发展，使描述场景“有声有色”。学会合理使用有效对话，能为续写文章增光添彩。 学生案例5 请阅读下面段落，品读其中对话的作用。 (Para.1)It was late in the evening when she got home.Abe and his father had already had dinner, sitting on chairs and concerned about her.Seeing her come back, the stone hung at their heart was down.After taking off the coat, she passed a beautiful gift on to Abe and said, “Happy birthday, my dear！” Then Abe knew why his mom had been so determined to go to the town that day. [习作品析] 本段描述了母亲迟回家，Abe和父亲已经吃完饭，坐在椅子上干着急，担心继母迟迟未归。当终于看到她回来，他们才安下心来。母亲脱下外套，递给Abe一份精美的礼物，并祝福他生日快乐。这时Abe才知道母亲那天坚持去镇上的原因。案例5的内容发展合乎逻辑，紧扣主线。文段中仅有一句对话描写，短而精炼，“Happy birthday”道出了母亲一定要在雪天买礼物的原因，“my dear”传达出她对Abe的重视、关爱，符合一位关心继子、不辞风雪为其买礼物的母亲形象，所以该案例中的对话为有效对话。 学生案例6 请阅读下面段落，品读其中对话的作用。 (Para.1)It was late in the evening when she got home.The dim light was still on as if it were waiting for her.When she got closer to the door, she astonishedly glimpsed Abe, who was in front of the door, suffering from cold snow.After stepping in the warm house together with Abe, Mrs Lincoln was asked to sit on a chair and wait for her dinner.She gazed at her son working painstakingly, a satisfied smile climbing from her mouth.For a while, Abe finished and went to desk with tasty cuisine.Abruptly, he saw a small but delicate box.“It's for you, open it，” Mom said with alluring and smiling eyes. [习作品析] 本段描述了母亲回家已晚，Abe站在门前等候。进门后，Abe为母亲准备晚饭，备好后在桌上看到一个精巧的小盒子。然后母亲微笑着让 Abe打开它。在语言上，该生运用了多样的句型(as if引导的状语从句、现在分词作状语、独立主格等)。在内容上，设计了母亲和Abe有爱互动的情节(Abe为母亲做饭，母亲微笑看着Abe，把礼物给他)，并辅以环境描写(the dim light)渲染气氛。情节合理，与上下文衔接融洽(第二段段首句Abe眼睛睁大的原因是打开礼物)。总体而言，不失为一篇好文章。本段中仅有一句对话，即母亲对Abe说： “It's for you, open it.”由于该句对话前写到Abe看到盒子，紧接着母亲的“It's for you”就解释这个盒子的来龙去脉，“open it”则暗示Abe接下来的动作——要打开盒子，发现礼物，自然地承接第二段段首句描述的Abe看到礼物的反应(Abe's eyes became very wide)，所以该句对话具有推动情节发展的作用，属于有效对话。 综上可见，在续写中，不妨试着删除所写对话，看其是否影响情节发展。若无影响，那么可有可无的对话应删除，避免拖慢故事节奏。此外，由于续写篇幅限制，应灵活转换对话与间接引语和其他非对话的描写方式，使有效对话简洁精炼，突出重点。 [即时训练] 1．阅读下列段落，思考其中对话是否为有效对话，并说明理由。 (续写第二段)Abe's eyes became very wide.He locked Mom with his eyes and saw her take something out of her bag.That was a new book.①“Oh, Mom! I love you！” Abe screamed loudly and jumped happily.②“My dear, you are very hard-working during these days.So I buy this book for you as a present.③But you are supposed to read it after finishing the works.Now, go to sleep.” In this evening, Abe had a beautiful dream. 答案　①有效对话　无效对话 理由：两个感叹句突出Abe对母亲的感激和爱意，与Abe 的动作(screamed loudly and jumped happily)相称。 ②有效对话　无效对话 理由：这句话道出母亲送礼物原因，属于有意义的对话，但语言略长，可再精炼一点。如 “My dear, it is an reward for your hard work.” ③有效对话　无效对话 理由：母亲告诫Abe工作后读书和让他去睡觉与故事主线(母亲冒雪为儿子买礼物)无关，可删除。 2．阅读下列段落，请在合适的地方增加对话。 Mom drove Lorena to Fashion Fair and left, asking her not to waste money.Waving goodbye to Mom, Lorena ran for a Nike store.Entering the door, she had a quick glance around.Her heart sank when she found nothing familiar in sight.Still, she combed every corner of the store for the jacket she wanted but in vain.Finally, she turned to the salesman for help.Knowing what Lorena wanted, the salesman said, “I'm sorry the jacket has sold out.But you can book it now and receive it in two days.” Overjoyed, Lorena agreed and paid in advance. 学科网（北京）股份有限公司 $$