109 Week 16 Thursday 读后续写写作技巧16（课件PPT）-【启航英语】2025版高考英语应用文写作＋读后续写

Week 16　 现象评论&优秀品行类读后续写 启航 英语 Thursday——读后续写写作技巧16 例析读后续写题丢分现象诊断 读后续写的丢分现象在以下几个方面比较突出： 1．很多考生为了凑字数胡写一气，驴唇不对马嘴，读起来令人如坠雾里。 2．有的考生过多考虑现实生活中的生活常识，而没有进行正能量描述，体现不出主旨的升华。 3．逻辑不符合文章的前后线索，时间线索颠倒。 4．故事中随意加减人物数量，增加多余的故事情节。 5．对于提供的第二段续写的开头和第一段的主要内容没有进行有效衔接。 6．写作基本功底不扎实，各种语法错误出现比较多，甚至出现中文表达等。 阅读下面材料，根据其内容和所给段落开头语续写两段，使之构成一篇完整的短文。 (2023·浙江1月卷) Yoghurt It was a rough week.The price of oil skyrocketed (猛增) as the temperature dropped sharply in Maine.We were looking at a high of eight degrees that week, and I had missed three days of work so my paycheck was going to be lower than normal.I was stressed, to say the least.I shopped strategically (有策略地), looking for every possible way to cut pennies so I could buy groceries and keep the house warm. My eight-year-old son didn't understand when I told him we were struggling that week.He wanted a special kind of yoghurt, but I didn't have the extra three dollars to buy it for him.It was the kind of yoghurt with a cartoon kid riding a skateboard on the front of the box, and a mere two spoonfuls in each cup.It was the kind of product that wastes a parent's money and makes me hate advertising. I felt guilty as a parent when those big eyes looked at me with confusion, as if to say, “It's just yoghurt.What's the big deal？” So I found a way.I put something back, as single mothers often do.He got his yoghurt. On the way driving back from the grocery store, I noticed a homeless man holding a sign by the side of the road.My heart hurt, and I tried not to look at him.I watched people stay away from him on the street and walk by without even meeting his eyes.My son didn't seem to care much, either.I looked at the man closely then— bare hands grasping a piece of cardboard, snot (鼻涕) frozen to his face, a worn-out jacket.And there I was struggling because I had to buy oil and groceries.But I decided to help him.I pulled over to the man and handed him a five-dollar bill. 注意　1．续写词数应为150个左右；2.请按如下格式在以下位置作答。 Seeing this, my son became confused and surprised.__________________ _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ On that day, my son performed an act that most adults wouldn't have done.___________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ 词汇积累 ①__________ adv.尖锐地；急剧地　②________ adj.内疚的，羞愧的　③___________ n．困惑，不明确　④____________ adj.无家可归的　⑤__________ adj.结冰的，冻硬的 长难句 分析 I felt guilty as a parent when those big eyes looked at me with confusion, as if to say, “It's just yoghurt.What's the big deal？” sharply guilty confusion homeless frozen 长难句 分析 分析：本句是______句。 主句为I felt guilty as a parent；when those big eyes looked at me with confusion为__________从句；as if to say为____________从句的省略。 翻译：作为一个母亲我感到愧疚，尤其是当那双大眼睛困惑地看着我，好像在说：“这只是酸奶，有什么大不了的？” 复合 时间状语 方式状语 跟踪练习 1．Of course hours of absence of digital devices would never be no good for thinking ___________ (sharp)． 2．In this program, kids direct their own play, climbing tall trees or testing ice on the __________ (freeze) lake. 3．During the demonstration, ___________________________ _______ inside his bird's brain, Alex spoke up.在演示过程中，亚历克斯说话了，似乎是为了最后证明他的鸟大脑里有思想。 sharply frozen as if to offer final proof of the mind 通读短文可知，由于物价以及自己工作的原因，在经济上本周对于作者来说是艰难的一周。作者和儿子在杂货店里购物，为了让儿子能买到他想买的酸奶，作者不得不放回去一些已经选购的商品。从杂货店开车回来的路上，作者注意到一个无家可归的人在路边举着一个牌子，尽管作者经济困难，但还是给了这个无家可归的人5美元，短文续写由此展开。 第一步　语篇解读 ①第一段开头：看到这些，作者的儿子感到困惑和惊讶。所以短文要续写儿子与作者之间的对话，以此介绍作者为什么要慷慨地给这个无家可归的人5美元，而对于儿子买酸奶时却如此勉强。②第二段开头：那天，儿子做了一件大多数成年人不会做的事。所以短文要续写，儿子将自己心爱的酸奶递给窗外的无家可归的人，以及作者的感悟。 第二步　段落续写 ◎逻辑反常 a．勉强地给孩子买了一份昂贵的酸奶→“我”看到一位无家可归的流浪汉递给他5美元纸币→孩子看见后感到惊讶与不解→质问妈妈原因→反问妈妈为什么不多给流浪汉一点钱。 b．勉强地给孩子买了一份昂贵的酸奶→“我”看到一位无家可归的流浪汉递给他5美元纸币→孩子看见后感到惊讶与不解→“我”教育孩子要有同情心和助人为乐的精神→孩子内心受到触动→儿子说不买酸奶了，把准备买酸奶的三美元捐给那位无家可归的人。 第三步　本文续写中丢分原因梳理与反思 c．勉强地给孩子买了一份昂贵的酸奶→“我”看到一位无家可归的流浪汉递给他5美元纸币→孩子看见后感到惊讶与不解→“我”教育孩子要有同情心和助人为乐的精神→表扬流浪汉精神可嘉。 d．勉强地给孩子买了一份昂贵的酸奶→“我”看到一位无家可归的流浪汉递给他5美元纸币→孩子看见后感到惊讶与不解→“我”问流浪汉为什么离家出走，到底经历了什么。 ◎时间线错位 a．勉强地给孩子买了一份昂贵的酸奶→“我”看到一位无家可归的流浪汉递给他5美元纸币→孩子看见后感到惊讶与不解→我们陷入经济困境→无家可归的人归还5美元纸币，解释说他已找到工作→一切终将重归美好。 b．勉强地给孩子买了一份昂贵的酸奶→“我”看到一位无家可归的流浪汉递给他5美元纸币→孩子看见后感到惊讶与不解→流浪汉答谢“我”，“我”鼓励流浪汉→儿子埋怨没钱，“我”劝儿子要有爱心→儿子将酸奶给了那位无家可归的人→母子收到流浪汉的一箱答谢酸奶。 c．勉强地给孩子买了一份昂贵的酸奶→“我”看到一位无家可归的流浪汉递给他5美元纸币→孩子看见后感到惊讶与不解→“我”教育孩子要有同情心和助人为乐的精神→后来收到了流浪汉的感谢信。 d．勉强地给孩子买了一份昂贵的酸奶→“我”看到一位无家可归的流浪汉递给他5美元纸币→孩子看见后感到惊讶与不解→儿子把酸奶给了无家可归的人→“我”生气与孩子吵嘴→孩子比大人更能让世界变得温暖。 e．勉强地给孩子买了一份昂贵的酸奶→“我”看到一位无家可归的流浪汉递给他5美元纸币→孩子看见后感到惊讶与不解→“我”教育孩子要有同情心和助人为乐的精神→我刻苦工作→终于给儿子买了酸奶。 ◎故事人物的误增/误减 a．勉强地给孩子买了一份昂贵的酸奶→“我”看到一位无家可归的流浪汉递给他5美元纸币→孩子看见后感到惊讶与不解→“我”教育孩子要有同情心和助人为乐的精神→那天后，儿子不再要酸奶了，时常帮助我照顾小店，好好学习。(流浪汉消失) b．勉强地给孩子买了一份昂贵的酸奶→“我”看到一位无家可归的流浪汉递给他5美元纸币→孩子看见后感到惊讶与不解→“我”教育孩子要有同情心和助人为乐的精神→那天后，儿子不再跟我去杂货店购物，把时间省下来清理社区卫生，将社区建设得更加美好。(流浪汉消失) c．勉强地给孩子买了一份昂贵的酸奶→“我”看到一位无家可归的流浪汉递给他5美元纸币→孩子看见后感到惊讶与不解→“我”教育孩子要有同情心和助人为乐的精神→孩子内心受到触动→从此以后儿子不再要酸奶。(流浪汉消失) d．勉强地给孩子买了一份昂贵的酸奶→“我”看到一位无家可归的流浪汉递给他5美元纸币→孩子看见后感到惊讶与不解→“我”教育孩子要有同情心和助人为乐的精神→孩子内心受到触动→儿子跳到河里拯救溺水儿童。(流浪汉消失，误增溺水儿童) e．勉强地给孩子买了一份昂贵的酸奶→“我”看到一位无家可归的流浪汉递给他5美元纸币→孩子看见后感到惊讶与不解→“我”教育孩子要有同情心和助人为乐的精神→“我”的坏心情消失→路上遇见孤儿，“我”下定决心要帮助更多的人。(误增孤儿) f．勉强地给孩子买了一份昂贵的酸奶→“我”看到一位无家可归的流浪汉递给他5美元纸币→孩子看见后感到惊讶与不解→回家找爸爸评理。(误增爸爸) ◎叙事空洞 a．勉强地给孩子买了一份昂贵的酸奶→“我”看到一位无家可归的流浪汉递给他5美元纸币→孩子看见后感到惊讶与不解→“我”教育孩子要有同情心和助人为乐的精神→“我们”母子一起回家→如果懂得施舍，世界将更加美好。 b．勉强地给孩子买了一份昂贵的酸奶→“我”看到一位无家可归的流浪汉递给他5美元纸币→孩子看见后感到惊讶与不解→“我”教育孩子要有同情心和助人为乐的精神→那天后，儿子长大了，当遇见需要帮助的人就会伸出援助之手。 c．勉强地给孩子买了一份昂贵的酸奶→“我”看到一位无家可归的流浪汉递给他5美元纸币→孩子看见后感到惊讶与不解→“我”教育孩子要有同情心和助人为乐的精神→孩子内心受到触动→当天下午没回家而是去捡塑料瓶→儿子立志做个乐于助人、贡献社会的人。 d．勉强地给孩子买了一份昂贵的酸奶→“我”看到一位无家可归的流浪汉递给他5美元纸币→孩子看见后感到惊讶与不解→“我”教育孩子要有同情心和助人为乐的精神→孩子内心受到触动→“我”诉说人生大道理。 ◎理解错误 a．第二段开头句是这样的，“On that day, my son performed an act that most adults wouldn't have done.”不少考生对第二段开头这句话不理解或曲解，或对这句话避而不谈，执着地按照自己的想法去写，因而导致续写偏题。 b．对故事关键物品识别不清晰，把故事中的“酸奶”与“汽油及杂货”混淆。 c．将perform an act解读为“表演节目”。 d．对动词过去时使用不敏感： I run to him, and help him. So my son ask me. Then I tell to my son that we need to help others. e．动词时态前后不一致 My face got red, because I don't know how to answer his question. f．中式表达 I noticed my son changed. Why do you do the behavior? Why I wanted a special kind of yoghurt, but you didn't buy it for me? If you don't give him, I can get two cups of yoghurt. He don't understand, and I was don't said. He like understand something. So I took my son left. 根据以上提示整理出答案： 高效临摹衡水体　争抢满分作文 Seeing this, my son became confused and surprised. __________________________ ____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ “Mum, why are you so generous to this stranger while so mean to me when I asked for a yoghurt？” I explained that if we were blind to the poor man's situation he would freeze to death. He didn't have a home to live or food to eat after all. We could spare five dollars even if we were financially stressed. Finally my son nodded and fixed his eyes on his yoghurt. On that day, my son performed an act that most adults wouldn't have done. __________ ____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ He took his yoghurt and handed it to the man outside the car window. Even if it was a matter of a few spoonfuls of yoghurt, it was all he had, and he gave it to someone who needed it more than he wanted it. He showed me that I am doing well as a mother. There are always blessings to count if we open our eyes, and we always have the opportunity to be a blessing to someone else. 谢谢观看 Thank you for watching $$