读后续写练习写作高分作文讲评讲义-2025届高三英语上学期作文写作专项复习

读后续写练习写作高分作文讲评 一、试题回顾 阅读下面的材料，根据其内容和所给段落开头语续写两段，使之构成一篇完整的短文。 The local grocery store in our old town was a place I visited almost daily for nearly a decade. Each trip felt like a small but significant part of my routine. The modest store, with its narrow aisles and familiar shelves, became a constant comfort in my life. One of the main reasons this store was so special to me was because of Brian, the man whosorted the goods. Brian had a way of making everyone feel welcome. Every visit began with his heartfelt greeting, “Hello there!” His enthusiasm made me feel like a long-lost friend, not just a regular customer. He had a genuine smile that could brighten anyone’s day, and his eyes always twinkled with kindness. No matter how busy he was, he always made sure to give everyone in line a friendly nod or a word of encouragement. Brian’s presence added warmth to the store, making each shopping trip a pleasant experience. His cheerful manner and friendly nature were like a ray of sunshine on even the darkest days. I later learned from a friend that Brian had been in a severe car accident in high school. He had spent a long time in a coma and was lucky to be alive. Though he made a remarkable recovery, he never fully got back all his abilities. I noticed that his right hand would sometimes shake slightly, and he walked with a slight limp. Despite this, Brian was always cheerful and seemed to have an endless supply of kindness. His positive attitude was truly inspiring. One evening, after an exhausting day at work, I was wandering through the rows, picking up something for dinner. I was tired and starving, and when I reached for a jar of spaghetti sauce, my hold slipped. The jar broke on the floor, and the sight of the messupset me. The stress of the day, combined with my exhaustion, was too much to bear. Defeated, I broke down and burst into tears. 注意： 1. 续写词数应为150左右； 2. 请按如下格式在答题卡的相应位置作答。 “It’s okay. Accidents happen.” Brian appeared out of nowhere.       That incident marked a turning point for me.      二、考生考场习作呈现 三、作文评析 （一）作文亮点 1.创造了丰富、合理的内容，富有逻辑性，续写完整，与原文情境融洽度高。 前文提到“我”在经历了一整天疲惫的工作，精疲力尽时在经常光顾的杂货店失手摔碎一罐意大利面酱，压力和疲惫使我崩溃大哭。文中“I stood still, like a criminal awaiting the judgement of justice.”形象生动地刻画出当时“我”的情绪。 Brian出现并邀请我一起打扫地面，No blame and punishment ,Brian的微笑最终缓解了我的紧张情绪...,故事衔接合情合理。 2.有效地使用了段落间、语句间衔接手段，全文结构清晰，前后呼应，意义连贯。 I stood still like a criminal awaiting the judgement of... however no blame or punishment... ultimately relaxed... 衔接合理，逻辑严密。 3.使用了多样且恰当的词汇和语法结构，表达流畅，语言错误少，且完全不影响理解。 （1）like a criminal awaiting the judgement of justice 使用非谓语动词作后置定语，使语言变得更加生动。 （2）“Would you mind cleaning the floor with me?” he said with a warm smile. would you mind doing sth，及with 的复合结构做伴随状语，突出了Brian的善意，同时也增强了画面感，很能让读者产生共情。 （3）I could no longer remember the depression and stress that messed me up that day, but I was always able to recall Brian’s forgiveness and warm heart. but 连接两个表转折关系的句子，同时在第一句子使用定语从句that messed me up that day 来修饰前面的名词the depression and stress.同时动词短语mess up 形象生动地体现了“我”当时的“混乱”。 （4）Every time I entered the store after that, he treated me as before... 使用时间状语从句every time I entered the store after that 强调每次我进店Brian都待我如常。 （5）多处合理使用副词使文章表达流畅，逻辑更严密。如：however,ultimately,quickly,always, more importantly,vitally 4.开篇及结尾都非常亮眼。开篇用明喻的修辞手法，把自己比作是一个“等待审判的犯罪分子”，作者当时的愧疚之情跃然纸上，同时和后面Brain微笑着和我一起clean the floor形成鲜明的对比。充分体现出Brain对待事情的乐观态度。结尾Most importantly, when I met Brain again, it comes to me that the true meaning of life is not endless working or being upset, but paying a smile to every person and vitally, every day作者使用副词作状语+时间状语从句+主语从句的复合句式升华主题，同时作者用it 作形式主语，后置的主语从句中作者用not...but ...作表语，强调生活的真正意义是“笑对每一个人和每一天”。 （二）意见和修改 （1）原文: No blaming and punishment came. 改为：No blame and punishment came. blame 本身就可以作名词，后面并列成分punishment 用的也是名词形式。 （2）原文: There was no complaination at all. 改为： There was no complaint at all. 出现单词拼写错误，抱怨的名词形式应该是complaint。 （3）原文：...but I was always able to recall Brian’s forgivement and warm heart. 改为：... but I was always able to recall Brian’s forgiveness and warm heart. Brian’s 名词所有格后面应该接名词，原谅，谅解的名词形式是forgiveness. （4）原文Every time I entered the store after that, he treated me as before, with something never changes. 改为： Every time I entered the store after that, he treated me as before, with something never changed.  with 是介词，其后接名词、动名词或者V-ing形式，不能接句子。 改进为：Every time I entered the store after that, he treated me as before, as if nothing had happened. 用as if 引导的方式状语从句表示与过去事实相反的虚拟语气，更加贴近语境。 （5）原文： No car accidents or other incident can defeat Brian and his precious spirit. 改为： No car accidents or other incidents can defeat Brian and his precious spirit. （6）原文： ...it comes to me that the true meaning of life is not endless working or upset, but paying a smile to every person and vitally, every day. 改为：it comes to me that the true meaning of life is not endless working or being upset, but paying a smile to every person and vitally, every day. （三）定档给分 依据读后续写的评分标准，本文尽管还存在一些拼写错误及个表语言表达问题，但是它凭借合理的内容，清晰的结构，优美的语言及亮眼的开篇及结尾，本文阅卷老师定位五档作文，实际评分为24分。 学科网（北京）股份有限公司 $$