山东省青岛市2026届高三第一次适应性检测英语作文讲解课件

醒醒 轮到你 青岛一模啦 题目剖析 这篇续写探讨了许多问题——人该如何利用技术为他人提供便利（技术向善）、老年人面临的共性问题是否得到了关注，这些都是当下学生应该去思考的问题。 这是我们用机器语言对机器发出的第一声问候，也是机器对我们的第一声回应。现在，我们也想把这声Hello World送给此刻看到文章的你们。在这个时代，我们常常会被各种新技术迷得眼花缭乱。但这更需要我们去思考，身为人类的我们，究竟能做些什么，又该去关注些什么。就像文章里的Mae，她发现了邻居太太的问题，然后用看似冷冰冰的技术，为身边的人带去了温暖和便利。 所以，希望大家能从Mae的故事里，找到属于自己与科技、与世界相处的方式，直到敲下那句属于自己的—— ”Hello World” 文本问题引导 My name is Mae. I've always been passionate about exploring and solving problems—whether fixing a broken toy or figuring out how a phone app works. This led me to join our school's Coding(编程) Club. In our first lesson, Ms. Davis told us that coding is more than writing lines of code. It is about using technology to make life easier for others. “Your project,” she announced in class one day, “is to create a simple app that solves a real-life problem.” “You have one week to prepare,” She added gently, hoping this would give us enough time to find inspiration and finish the project. 1、Mae喜欢做什么？从哪些细节可以看出Mae什么样的性格特点？这种性格会让她后文做事有何风格？ 2、编程与Mae探索和解决问题的热情之间存在怎样的内在联系？如何串联起来？ 3、Ms. Davis如何理解编程？结合Mae的兴趣和文章故事主线，她会如何理解这一观点？ 4、哪句话指向了文章的主旨？可以如何构建故事主线？ 文本问题引导 My name is Mae. I've always been passionate about exploring and solving problems—whether fixing a broken toy or figuring out how a phone app works. This led me to join our school's Coding(编程) Club. In our first lesson, Ms. Davis told us that coding is more than writing lines of code. It is about using technology to make life easier for others. “Your project,“ she announced in class one day, “is to create a simple app that solves a real-life problem.“ “You have one week to prepare,“ She added gently, hoping this would give us enough time to find inspiration and finish the project. 5、老师要求创建一个“simple app“，“simple“这个限定词对Mae后文的项目构思有哪些限制和引导？比如在功能、界面设计等方面可能意味着什么？ 6、“one week to prepare“的时间限制对Mae完成项目有什么挑战？思考她的进度安排与时间推进。 7、结合下文邻居奶奶的需求，Mae的灵感可以是什么？ 文本问题引导 The challenge stayed with me as I walked to my neighbor Mrs. Thompson's apartment after school. She had invited me for tea, as she often did on Tuesdays. Mrs. Thompson was kind and cheerful, but lately she had been a little forgetful, often misplacing her keys or repeating the same story twice without realizing it. When I arrived, she was in the kitchen. “Mae! Good timing,” she greeted me warmly, and then stopped, glancing at the kettle. “Did I already boil water for tea?” I checked the kettle — it was still warm. We laughed about it as I poured water, and soon we were chatting. Our conversation turned to her weekly book club with friends. Mrs. Thompson smiled, talking about her two old friends. Mr. Brown arrived late for the game, and Mrs. Smith failed to bring her glasses twice. “We're quite a group,” she said. 1、邻居家的太太是一个什么样的人？面临着哪些具体的问题？可以如何协同？ 2、结合生活思考这一群体的特点，并思考哪些细节可以协助我们凸显人物。 3、Mae可能会从哪些方面将编程挑战与Mrs. Thompson的生活联系起来？ 4、两人对这件事“laughed about it“，这个互动反映出Mae和Mrs. Thompson之间怎样的关系？后期可以怎么样写二人的互动？ 文本问题引导 The challenge stayed with me as I walked to my neighbor Mrs. Thompson's apartment after school. She had invited me for tea, as she often did on Tuesdays. Mrs. Thompson was kind and cheerful, but lately she had been a little forgetful, often misplacing her keys or repeating the same story twice without realizing it. When I arrived, she was in the kitchen. “Mae! Good timing,“ she greeted me warmly, and then stopped, glancing at the kettle. “Did I already boil water for tea?” I checked the kettle — it was still warm. We laughed about it as I poured water, and soon we were chatting. Our conversation turned to her weekly book club with friends. Mrs. Thompson smiled, talking about her two old friends. Mr. Brown arrived late for the game, and Mrs. Smith failed to bring her glasses twice. “We're quite a group,” she said. 5、Mrs. Thompson的每周书友会中，Mr. Brown迟到、Mrs. Smith忘带眼镜这些细节，反映出书友会存在什么普遍问题？对Mae有什么启发？ 6、从书友会的问题出发，Mae可能会获得什么灵感？她可能思考开发什么样的app来解决这些问题？ 7、“We're quite a group”这句话背后，隐藏着这帮人什么样的情感和需求？ 补充：app只用来解决健忘问题吗？ 文本问题引导 Then her expression grew thoughtful. “We manage, of course. But sometimes I think — wouldn't it be nice if something simply reminds us? Take medicine. Water the plants. Friday for book club.“ She tapped her head with a soft laugh. Her words sank in. At that moment, an idea formed in my mind. As I stood up to leave, I smiled mysteriously, “Give me a few days, and I'll bring you a little surprise.“ “Oh? I'll try not to forget that,“ she laughed. 1、结合前文Mrs. Thompson的表述，Mae脑海中形成的想法可能围绕什么核心功能展开？ 2、“surprise“可能是什么？是一款具有针对性提醒功能的应用程序，还是在此基础上还有其他附加功能？ 文本解读 Paragraph 1: That night, I sat at my desk, notebook open and mind racing with details. 1、如果是具有提醒功能的app，Mae可能会针对Mrs. Thompson提到的哪些具体事项进行设计？可以有独特的提醒方式吗？（铃声？时间？方式？） 2、除了基本的功能，为了让应用更贴合Mrs. Thompson及类似人群的需求，可能会添加哪些辅助功能？ 3、考虑到Mrs. Thompson提到书友会，这款app有没有可能加入社交元素？ 4、结合编程的流程与困难思考，Mae需要考虑哪些编程方面的挑战？这个过程如何描述？会顺利吗？ 5、最终Mae做出来这个app了吗？做到什么程度？如何衔接第二段的present？ 文本解读 Paragraph 2: A week later, I presented my project to Ms. Davis. 1、结合现实展示流程思考，为了展示app，Mae可能准备了哪些辅助材料？ 2、Mae的presentation从哪里开始讲起？（如何讲好产品故事？） 3、Mae在展示项目时可能怀着怎样的心情？会有什么样的表现？ 4、在场的有哪些人？面对Mae的展示，分别会有什么样的反应？ 5、第二段要空间转场回到邻居太太家吗？故事停在哪里结束？ 6、主旨是什么？ 续写分析 My name is Mae. I've always been passionate about exploring and solving problems—whether fixing a broken toy or figuring out how a phone app works. This led me to join our school's Coding(编程) Club. In our first lesson, Ms. Davis told us that coding is more than writing lines of code. It is about using technology to make life easier for others. 这一句话一上来就是很简单的自我介绍，交代了文章的主视角是第一人称展开的，全篇用限知视角展开故事的叙述。而第二个句子，是对于第一个句子的基本信息补充，交代了“我（Mae，女名，相当于Mary）“的性格特征——喜欢探索和解决问题（破折号后面的部分用细节验证了Mae的这个特点，会修娃娃，也会弄清楚APP是如何运行的）。这里的两个句子，完成了“Mae是谁“的交代，那我们可以想一想，那到了故事的结尾的时候，我们需要完成Mae什么特质上的突变呢？笔者想到的是，读后续写的写作部分，是完成了人物的成长弧光，那到了尾声的时候，是不是可以完成“Mae成为了什么样的人“这样的叙事？比如我们可以这样写： My name is Mae. And now I know that the best problems to solve aren't broken toys or phone apps — they're the ones that help someone feel a little less alone. 续写分析 My name is Mae. I've always been passionate about exploring and solving problems—whether fixing a broken toy or figuring out how a phone app works. This led me to join our school's Coding(编程) Club. In our first lesson, Ms. Davis told us that coding is more than writing lines of code. It is about using technology to make life easier for others. 一般来说，一篇故事完成了人物基本信息的交代以后，就会开始步入故事的正题了。所以我们自然而然地看到了第三个句子——Mae这样的特性，让她加入了学校的编程俱乐部。这是一个过渡句，用This在完成对前面人物特性概括的同时，也开始将故事的拉入到了新的场景——Mae会在编程俱乐部，做些什么呢？下面一个句子，用In our first lesson衔接了前面的Club，同时将故事的场景从一个“面“聚焦到了单独一节课堂的“点“上。这里的衔接，我们可以用“由面入点“概括。这一句话开始，故事出现了新的人物，Ms. Davis，她在我们第一节编程课程告诉了我们她对于编程的看法——编程不仅仅只是写几串代码，而是用技术去让其他人的生活更便利。读到这里，我们故事的主旨，是不是就出来了？这篇续写考得是“技术向善“，技术应该是“服务于人“。此外，大家有没有发现这一节的最后两句话，其实衔接也很自然呢？这两个句子用了非常经典的“不是…而是“结构，我们在写续写时如果想要突出一个事实的时候，就可以用上这种对比的首发。 续写分析 My name is Mae. I've always been passionate about exploring and solving problems—whether fixing a broken toy or figuring out how a phone app works. This led me to join our school's Coding(编程) Club. In our first lesson, Ms. Davis told us that coding is more than writing lines of code. It is about using technology to make life easier for others. 不知道读到这里，大家是否明白了，这一段为什么读起来很流畅呢？我们用一句话概括就是：句子与句子之间，做到了环环相扣（代词指代前文、由“面“到“点“、从“特质“到“行为“等），并且在转场的时候，做好了衔接上的铺垫。我们在平时的写作过程中，也要学习这样的手段，来服务于我们的写作。 完成了对于这个段落“为什么流畅“的解答以后，我们再来看看这个段落有什么需要注意的细节。这一段出现了一个标注中文的词汇，coding（编程）。这里依旧先给大家一个方法论：读后续写，只要是比较规范的文本（比如高考），标注了中文的词汇，一般我们都是要用在写作当中的。以这篇续写为例，这个段落的标中文词是coding（编程），我们在看到这个词的时候要想：编程应该是这篇续写的核心话题词，那么我们可能会围绕这个核心话题词，展开什么样的思考呢？这里，笔者又要给大家补充一个手法：我们可以用一个话题里面的“核心意象“去代指这个核心话题的场景，从而完成主旨的升华。比如我们可以用“note（音符）“来指代演奏，用“code“来指代“program（编程）“。 续写分析 My name is Mae. I've always been passionate about exploring and solving problems—whether fixing a broken toy or figuring out how a phone app works. This led me to join our school's Coding(编程) Club. In our first lesson, Ms. Davis told us that coding is more than writing lines of code. It is about using technology to make life easier for others. 回到我们这篇续写，我们可以用“一串代码“去升华主旨，编程也许不只是简单的几串代码，也是在编译掉部分人生的困难（回扣文本开头）。比如我们可以这样写： (1) I still love solving problems — but now I know that the ones worth solving aren't found in broken toys or phone apps. They're the ones that fit into a single line of code, written with someone else in mind. (2) And now I know that a single line of code — no matter how small — can be the one that makes someone's world run a little smoother. 续写分析 My name is Mae. I've always been passionate about exploring and solving problems—whether fixing a broken toy or figuring out how a phone app works. This led me to join our school's Coding(编程) Club. In our first lesson, Ms. Davis told us that coding is more than writing lines of code. It is about using technology to make life easier for others. 另外，这个段落还有两个很重要的点，需要大家关注：第一人称视角展开的续写，“我“作为“摄像头“，起到了很大的作用；记叙文不能都是全篇长句，需要长短句结合，这样文章才更有“可读性“。这样讲，大家可能有点不太理解，笔者拿一个小段落来给大家举例子： I held my breath as the voice played. Mrs. Thompson stared at the phone, then at me. Her lips parted, but no words came. When her eyes filled with tears, I felt my own throat tighten. Then she pulled me into a hug so tight I couldn't breathe. She didn't say anything for a long moment. When she finally spoke, her voice was barely a whisper. “You dear, dear girl.“ 续写分析 My name is Mae. I've always been passionate about exploring and solving problems—whether fixing a broken toy or figuring out how a phone app works. This led me to join our school's Coding(编程) Club. In our first lesson, Ms. Davis told us that coding is more than writing lines of code. It is about using technology to make life easier for others. 大家在读这个段落的时候，有没有感觉到，虽然整个段落的戏份大多数都在“Mrs. Thompson“上，但是“我“一直贯穿在整个段落，像一个“摄像头“一样在记录着故事的发展。这就是笔者想要和大家表达的，第一人称展开的读后续写，要把主人公“我“当成记录一些的摄像头——放在这篇续写讲，就是用Mae的眼睛看、用Mae的耳朵听、用外在细节展现他人反应。至于第二点的“长短句结合“，大家其实代入到平时读中文的文本时就能理解了，中文的文本，也不是全都是长句就让人读得更舒服的。这里大家也可以顺带复习一下长短句结合的作用（控制节奏、制造张力、突出重点、避免单调等）？ 续写分析 My name is Mae. I've always been passionate about exploring and solving problems—whether fixing a broken toy or figuring out how a phone app works. This led me to join our school's Coding(编程) Club. In our first lesson, Ms. Davis told us that coding is more than writing lines of code. It is about using technology to make life easier for others. 完成了宏观阅读以后，我们再进行逐句解读，深挖一下每个句子可以用于我们写作去丰富内容的细节，也就是我们常说的“协同“点。 第一人称的运用。这是这篇续写比较重要的一种协同，我们在每次碰到这种续写的时候，都要想一想第一人称展开的叙述，可以如何服务到我们的写作当中。除了上面提到的“摄像头“以外，我们也可以把第一人称展开的“叙述“理解成情感放射器。因为第一人称展开的叙述，“心理描写“不再是内心的侧写了，而是直接给出来。这里我们也给大家几个句子，来帮助大家理解： (1) 通过Mae的观察来写人物：I watched her face, trying to read what she was thinking. (2) 展现Mae的内心世界：I kept hearing her words: wouldn't it be nice if something simply reminds us? (3) 展现Mae对技术的理解：I wanted her to hear my voice, not a robot's. (4) 控制叙事节奏（长短句结合）：My name was called. I stood up. My legs felt weak. 续写分析 My name is Mae. I've always been passionate about exploring and solving problems—whether fixing a broken toy or figuring out how a phone app works. This led me to join our school's Coding(编程) Club. In our first lesson, Ms. Davis told us that coding is more than writing lines of code. It is about using technology to make life easier for others. exploring and solving problems→这个短语看起来很简单，但是其实蕴含了解决问题的过程。先演技探索（explore，发现的过程），然后再解决问题（solve）。这个短语，也暗含了我们写作部分的故事线。这也告诉我们，文本的每个词汇，都可以试着当作很重要的词去关注。我们可以在写作过程中，复盘这个解决问题的过程，从而丰富我们的写作内容。我们可以这样写： I'd always loved exploring and solving problems. But this time, I discovered something different. The exploring wasn't about taking apart a toy or figuring out how an app worked. It was about listening — really listening — to someone's life. And the solving wasn't about writing perfect code. It was about writing code that helped someone feel a little less alone. 续写分析 My name is Mae. I've always been passionate about exploring and solving problems—whether fixing a broken toy or figuring out how a phone app works. This led me to join our school's Coding(编程) Club. In our first lesson, Ms. Davis told us that coding is more than writing lines of code. It is about using technology to make life easier for others. fixing a broken toy or figuring out how a phone app works→除了在写作中直接复刻这个短语来丰富写作内容以外，我们还可以用上短语中的“how xx works“来升华主旨。虽然到了最后，我也没有完全学会代码是怎么编写的，但是从这次经历中，我理解到了科技向善真正的意义。比如我们可以这样写： I thought about that old version of myself — the girl who took apart toys and stared at phone screens, trying to figure out how things worked. I'd figured out something better now. Not how to make an app work, but how to make technology kind. 续写分析 My name is Mae. I've always been passionate about exploring and solving problems—whether fixing a broken toy or figuring out how a phone app works. This led me to join our school's Coding(编程) Club. In our first lesson, Ms. Davis told us that coding is more than writing lines of code. It is about using technology to make life easier for others. coding is more than writing lines of code→这个在前面的文本解读过程中，我们已经简单分析过了。除此之外，我们还可以把writing lines of code的形式模仿过来，可以改写成：重要的不是写一行一行代码，而是写一行一行的爱和关怀。比如我们可以这样写： I looked at Mrs. Thompson, at her smile, at the app on her phone. I finally understood what Ms. Davis meant. Coding is more than writing lines of code. It's about writing lines of care. And that's the only code that really matters. 对了，这里还有一层“code“的隐喻，我们可以用在这篇续写当中。我们是不是可以把“代码“理解成“密码“，从而延伸为“秘诀“，然后在升华主旨的时候，写这次经历也教会了“我“什么什么样的“秘诀“。比如我们可以这样写： The code on the screen was just letters and numbers. But the code I learned — the one Mrs. Thompson taught me — was something else entirely. It was the code of listening. Of caring. Of showing up. And that was the only code I'd ever need. 续写分析 My name is Mae. I've always been passionate about exploring and solving problems—whether fixing a broken toy or figuring out how a phone app works. This led me to join our school's Coding(编程) Club. In our first lesson, Ms. Davis told us that coding is more than writing lines of code. It is about using technology to make life easier for others. using technology to make life easier for others→这个也是在文本解读过程中，稍微带了一下。我们可以直接拿这个短语来升华主旨，比如我们可以这样： Using technology to make life easier for others — it wasn't about writing perfect code. It was about writing code that whispered, “I remember you.“ And that was the only code that ever really mattered. 续写分析 “Your project,“ she announced in class one day, “is to create a simple app that solves a real-life problem.“ “You have one week to prepare,“ She added gently, hoping this would give us enough time to find inspiration and finish the project. 上一段结尾讲到了“我“第一节课俱乐部编程课的“一面“——老师向我们介绍了她定义下编程的意义。 作为读者，我们读到这里，肯定还会对老师提出的“定义“有些模糊，所以也会自然而然想到，接下来是不是要具体讲她想要大家践行的“理念“了。我们看到下面这一段，确实是这样的。那么，上面一段结尾和下面这一段的开头，是如何衔接的呢？我们前面一句话说到了“具体讲“，那就相当于是一个“点“，那其实又回到了我们前面讲到的“由'面'入'点'“。换句话说，这里的衔接，采取的结构应该是“概括性铺垫“+“具体事例“。没有理解的朋友，可以再试着把第一段的结尾和第二段的开头，连在一起读一读品一品。 我们回归到内容本身，这一段，讲了什么呢？Davis老师总共讲了两句话，布置了俱乐部成员接下来的核心任务（制作一个简单的APP），并和大家讲清楚了任务的要求（有一周的准备时间，能够解决实际的问题）。这里也指向了这篇续写的核心写作任务，“我（Mae）“如何在生活体验过程中，完成制作一个APP的任务。 续写分析 “Your project,“ she announced in class one day, “is to create a simple app that solves a real-life problem.“ “You have one week to prepare,“ She added gently, hoping this would give us enough time to find inspiration and finish the project. 这一段有一个很重要的点，要和大家分享，请大家做好及时摘录。老师说过一句话——在写续写的时候，不要写太多的“直接引语“，也就是太多的“对话“。但笔者想要围绕这句话进行一个驳斥——不是的，在写作中，绝大部分的表现形式都是允许的，只是用得合不合适而已。续写真题的一大写作高分点就落在，如何在写了许多“语言描写“的情况下，让自己的写作，显得不那么流水账，并且很生动。 我们回到这次的青岛一模续写，写作部分其实也需要大家去用到语言描写。为什么呢？因为写作第二段里有一个关键词，“presented（展示）“，涉及到展示的时候，我们就需要用一定的语言描写去推进我们的写作内容。那怎么推进呢？我们先来分析一下我们这段的语言描写，是怎么让我们产生一种“不那么流水账“的感觉的。很简单，一句话——每句对话都有功能，而非“填充“。我们这一段的几个语言描写，主要起到了三个作用，推动情节（布置任务）、塑造人物（gently体现性格）、传递情感或氛围（hoping体现教师的用心）。 续写分析 “Your project,“ she announced in class one day, “is to create a simple app that solves a real-life problem.“ “You have one week to prepare,“ She added gently, hoping this would give us enough time to find inspiration and finish the project. 除此之外，我们也可以从语言结构的角度去分析这一段的几个语言描写。第一句话和第二句话之间的关系——后者（added）是前面一句的补充，所以这两个句子之间是有逻辑关系的。第一个句子，我们通过交代故事发生的场景（in class）来完成人物的画面构建（老师站在教室的某个位置），而第二个句子用副词和分词结构，来体现出人物讲话的形态（同样构建画面）和人物讲话的目的。 读到这里，大家有没有发现，不是不能写对话，而是不能写没有“信息量“和没有“画面感“的白话。 这里也为大家罗列几个可以用在这篇续写当中的语言描写： (1) I took a deep breath(动作，作用是体现出人物的紧张) and said, “I'd like to show you my project.“ (2) I tapped the screen(动作，引导读者的视线到手机屏幕). “This is my favorite part,“ I said. (3) “I recorded my own voice,“ I said, feeling my face go warm (情绪描写，交代人物的情绪). (4) Another student raised her hand(人物动作刻画，交代群像). “How did you record your voice like that?“ (5) “Good morning, Mrs. Thompson!“ my voice said from the phone(交代APP的功能). 续写分析 “Your project,“ she announced in class one day, “is to create a simple app that solves a real-life problem.“ “You have one week to prepare,“ She added gently, hoping this would give us enough time to find inspiration and finish the project. 完成了宏观阅读以后，我们再进行逐句解读，深挖一下每个句子可以用于我们写作去丰富内容的细节，也就是我们常说的“协同“点。 project→文本提到project的内容是制作一个APP，我们在写作过程中能不能写“我“领悟到真正的project不只是制作一个APP，而是学会通过这些所谓的科技（code）去解决人存在的问题。比如我们可以这样写： The project Ms. Davis gave us wasn't really about the app. It was about finding a problem that needed solving — not on a screen, but in someone's life. I thought I was building an app. But what I was really building was a way to say: I see you. I hear you. I remember you. And that — not the code, not the grade — was the real project. 续写分析 “Your project,“ she announced in class one day, “is to create a simple app that solves a real-life problem.“ “You have one week to prepare,“ She added gently, hoping this would give us enough time to find inspiration and finish the project. create a simple app→“我“最终完成了project，但是“我“完成的并不只是a simple app，而是如何用coding为需要的人编译出更简单更便捷的生活。我们可以如此重新定义“simple“，比如： Simple meant her not having to ask if the kettle was warm. Simple meant her Friday book club not being forgotten. Simple meant a life that felt a little lighter. solves a real-life problem→我们可以用real-life的反义词artificial来对比升华主旨——最终，我所做的，artificial的APP，解决的real-life的problem。我们可以这样写： I thought I was building something artificial — just code, just an app. But Mrs. Thompson taught me that even artificial things can solve real-life problems. And maybe that was the point. 续写分析 “Your project,“ she announced in class one day, “is to create a simple app that solves a real-life problem.“ “You have one week to prepare,“ She added gently, hoping this would give us enough time to find inspiration and finish the project. one week to prepare→这里需要大家划重点——读后续写中出现关于“时间“的词汇，需要我们重点关注。这篇续写的第二段段首句给到了“A week later“，说明从文本部分到写作部分第一段的时间跨度刚好是一个星期。我们在创作写作第一段的过程中，可以将这里的“a week“紧紧抓住，去刻画出时间线的推进。比如这篇续写的第一段，我们可以写“我“大致完成了整个方案的构思以后，便开始动工——“我“把这一周剩下的时间，都投入在这个project里面（这里可以用动名词罗列一下我具体投入了什么事情）。比如我们可以这样写： The days that followed were filled with learning, trying, failing, and trying again — until finally, on Sunday night, I heard my voice come from the speaker and knew it was done. find inspiration→我们可以写“我“最终再生活中找到了inspiration，并且把这份inspiration落实成了真正能够inspire到别人的具体project。比如我们可以这样写： Finally, I found inspiration in real life. And I turned that inspiration into a project that could inspire and ease others' lives. 续写分析 The challenge stayed with me as I walked to my neighbor Mrs. Thompson's apartment after school. She had invited me for tea, as she often did on Tuesdays. Mrs. Thompson was kind and cheerful, but lately she had been a little forgetful, often misplacing her keys or repeating the same story twice without realizing it. When I arrived, she was in the kitchen. “Mae! Good timing,“ she greeted me warmly, and then stopped, glancing at the kettle. “Did I already boil water for tea?“ 前面讲解的两节我们可以归纳为“故事发生的背景“，而从这一节开始，我们的故事开始进入真正的叙述，也就是所谓的“发展“部分。这一节是怎么样和上面一节衔接的呢？这一节开头用了一个词，“challenge“，高度概括了Davis老师布置的project。所以这里的衔接方式就是，用同义词去概括前面的内容。这里也启示我们，我们在写续写的过程中，也可以看一看第二段段首句有没有上面关键词，我们可以通过按照自己对于题目的理解和对关键词的理解来完成第一段结尾的衔接。以这篇读后续写为例，第二段段首句有个关键词是“present my project“，说明“我“在写作第一段结尾位置，起码应该是基本上完成了这个project了。所以这里的第一段结尾，我们可以围绕“基本上完成project“去写句子（将第二段段首句的关键词，还原成细节性句子）。 续写分析 完成了“段际衔接“的讲解以后，我们再回归到这个段落内部句子本身的衔接。从这一段开始，这篇续写引入了新的人物，Mrs. Thompson。在考试过程中，基础不牢靠的学生，可能会出现混淆Thompson和Davis的情况，这里也警示我们——遇到人物的名字，尝试圈画出来，在草稿纸上梳理这些人物的关系。 这一节开头讲到，“困难萦绕着'我'直到'我'放学后前往Thompson太太家时“，说明这个故事的“转折“出现在这个新的场景中（Thompson太太的公寓）。这里依旧给大家做一个小提醒，文本部分出现的“故事场景“，我们也要单独理出来，思考在写作中是否需要写到这些场景，并且思考这些场景之间的转场要怎么做。我们在读完这个句子的时候，肯定会想，为什么“我“要去Thompson太太的家呀？下面一句话马上给了答案——她之前就邀请“我“去喝茶了，就像之前的每周二一样。这个段落的前面两句话的衔接方式，我们读到这里就很明确了——交代一个事实+补充原因细节。除此之外，这个句子还告诉了我们两个信息——故事发生的时间在周二（也是Davis老师给大家下达project的时间），并且“我“和Thompson太太很熟（不然不会每周二都去喝茶）。读到这里，我们肯定还会想，所以Thompson太太是谁呢？下面一个句子又非常顺滑地开始补充Thompson太太的信息——她是一个很好的人，但是最近开始有点健忘。同时，用了两个细节来补充说明Thompson太太健忘的具体行为——乱放钥匙+重复讲之前讲过的事情。 续写分析 我们从后文中可以得知，“我“会设计一款来解决类似于Thompson太太这样人群的APP，那我们在写作过程中设计APP的功能时，就需要考虑到如何解决Thompson太太的健忘行为，比如乱放钥匙+重复讲之前讲过的事情（可以拿这个细节来写APP的功能）。完成了Thompson太太的基本情况介绍以后，作者的笔触又回到了现实世界的叙述——“我“放学就往Thompson太太家走，那下面就要写“我“抵达咯（When I arrived）。讲述到这里，我们的故事镜头从分别刻画Thompson太太的形象和“我“的动作变成了两个人都聚拢到了一个共同的空间（Thompson太太家）。不知道大家读到这里的时候，脑海中是否会构建出一段画面，刻画了“我“是如何走到Thompson太太家的，同时还有画外音在给观众补充Thompson太太是谁。这里启示大家，我们在读这种记叙文本的时候，要养成在脑海中构建画面的能力，同时也要有把这种画面转译成具体文字的能力。这一点，大家如果能够学会，不仅仅是对于大家训练续写有好处，也对于培养大家未来人生的“审美力“有一定好处。前面讲到故事的两个人物都到了同一个场景，那么接下来的镜头就会聚焦到两个人物在这个共同场景中会发生什么。续写的情节构建，大多时候比较直接，所以人物互动基本上就是“你来我往“，前面一句话写了“我“到了Thompson太太的家（“我“来），那么下面一句话就开始写Thompson太太对此的反应（你往）——她和“我“打招呼，并问“我“她是否已经烧了泡茶的水（补充细节，验证她健忘的特点）。同时，这一节的最后一句话，也是一个值得大家去积累的语言描写结构（语言描写+动作描写+神态描写，greeted me warmly、stopped、glancing at）。依旧提醒大家，读后续写中并不是不能写对话，而是不能写“没有信息量“的废话。除此之外，这句话的warmly也补充了Thompson的热情性格。 续写分析 The challenge stayed with me as I walked to my neighbor Mrs. Thompson's apartment after school. She had invited me for tea, as she often did on Tuesdays. Mrs. Thompson was kind and cheerful, but lately she had been a little forgetful, often misplacing her keys or repeating the same story twice without realizing it. When I arrived, she was in the kitchen. “Mae! Good timing,“ she greeted me warmly, and then stopped, glancing at the kettle. “Did I already boil water for tea?“ challenge→我们可以在写作结尾的时候写“我“完成了挑战，感到了一身轻。我们可以这样写： For the first time in a week, I felt light. The challenge that had followed me out of the classroom, into Mrs. Thompson's kitchen, through late nights and broken code — it was finally done. I hadn't just finished it. I'd turned it into something I could leave behind. stayed with me→我们可以在写作的最后写，之前一直为了这个project而萦绕（stay with）着“我“的负面情绪，最后随着project的完成，一点点消散。比如我们可以这样写： For a week, this project had stayed with me — the questions, the doubts, the nights I wanted to give up. But now, sitting in the quiet of my room, I felt something I hadn't felt in days: peace. The confusion was gone. The frustration had lifted. 续写分析 The challenge stayed with me as I walked to my neighbor Mrs. Thompson's apartment after school. She had invited me for tea, as she often did on Tuesdays. Mrs. Thompson was kind and cheerful, but lately she had been a little forgetful, often misplacing her keys or repeating the same story twice without realizing it. When I arrived, she was in the kitchen. “Mae! Good timing,“ she greeted me warmly, and then stopped, glancing at the kettle. “Did I already boil water for tea?“ cheerful→我们可以写“我“在快要放弃的时候，被Thompson太太的cheerful鼓舞。比如我们可以这样： But then I thought about Mrs. Thompson — the way she laughed when she forgot things, the way she tapped her head and smiled. She was cheerful even when things went wrong. How could I give up when she never did? I took a deep breath and opened the code again. a little forgetful→我们可以在写作中继续复刻Thompson太太的健忘，或者写“我“做的这个APP帮助她消除了可能因为健忘而产生的一些负面后果。比如我们可以这样写： (1) “Mrs. Thompson is a little forgetful,“ I told the class. “She loses her keys. She tells the same story twice. She forgets if she's boiled water for tea.“ (2) She's still a little forgetful, I think. She still pauses sometimes, searching for a word. But she doesn't lose her keys anymore. She doesn't repeat her stories. And when I leave, she doesn't ask if I'll come back — she knows I will. The app didn't fix her. It just gave her a little help. And maybe that's all she ever needed. 续写分析 The challenge stayed with me as I walked to my neighbor Mrs. Thompson's apartment after school. She had invited me for tea, as she often did on Tuesdays. Mrs. Thompson was kind and cheerful, but lately she had been a little forgetful, often misplacing her keys or repeating the same story twice without realizing it. When I arrived, she was in the kitchen. “Mae! Good timing,“ she greeted me warmly, and then stopped, glancing at the kettle. “Did I already boil water for tea?“ misplacing her keys or repeating the same story twice without realizing it→细节描写，我们可以用这个细节来在写作第二段写“我“present时讲述创作的源头，也可以写Thompson太太有了这个APP以后发生的改变。我们可以这样写： (1) I opened my notebook and started listing everything Mrs. Thompson had mentioned. Medicine. Plants. Book club. But I also wrote down what I'd seen with my own eyes — the keys she was always searching for, the stories she told twice without knowing it. These weren't just forgetful moments. They were clues. And I wanted my app to answer them all. (2) I thought about Mrs. Thompson's keys, her stories, her warm kettle. They were small things. But they added up to something bigger: the quiet fear of losing control. I couldn't give her back her memory. But I could give her something that would help her hold on. And maybe that was enough. 续写分析 The challenge stayed with me as I walked to my neighbor Mrs. Thompson's apartment after school. She had invited me for tea, as she often did on Tuesdays. Mrs. Thompson was kind and cheerful, but lately she had been a little forgetful, often misplacing her keys or repeating the same story twice without realizing it. When I arrived, she was in the kitchen. “Mae! Good timing,“ she greeted me warmly, and then stopped, glancing at the kettle. “Did I already boil water for tea?“ “Good timing“→Timing有时机的意思，我们可以在写作中写解决问题的“时机“也很重要。比如我们可以这样写： Ms. Davis smiled. “Mae, you understood something important. Coding isn't just about solving problems. It's about timing — knowing what someone needs, and when they need it. You gave Mrs. Thompson exactly that.“ kettle→是解决问题开端的线索，我们可以用kettle来写“我“展示时说的第一句话，比如我们可以这样： “This project started with a kettle — a warm kettle that my neighbor forgot she'd boiled.“ 续写分析 The challenge stayed with me as I walked to my neighbor Mrs. Thompson's apartment after school. She had invited me for tea, as she often did on Tuesdays. Mrs. Thompson was kind and cheerful, but lately she had been a little forgetful, often misplacing her keys or repeating the same story twice without realizing it. When I arrived, she was in the kitchen. “Mae! Good timing,“ she greeted me warmly, and then stopped, glancing at the kettle. “Did I already boil water for tea?“ boil water for tea→也是一个细节描写，我们可以在写作最后写Mae完成展示以后，再次来到Thompson太太家。这一次，有了APP的帮助，她没有忘记烧水。比如我们可以这样写： I knocked on her door. “Come in, Mae,“ she smiled. “Tea?“ I followed her to the kitchen. She walked straight to the kettle, filled it, and turned it on. She didn't stop. She didn't ask. She just started boiling water for tea. I sat down, watching her. The app was working. But more than that — the question that had started everything was gone. She no longer had to ask. 续写分析 I checked the kettle—it was still warm. We laughed about it as I poured water, and soon we were chatting. Our conversation turned to her weekly book club with friends. Mrs. Thompson smiled, talking about her two old friends. Mr. Brown arrived late for the game, and Mrs. Smith failed to bring her glasses twice. “We're quite a group,“ she said. 我们依旧先从“段落之间“的衔接开始讲起。上面一段，我们从老太太问“我“她是不是烧了水泡茶结束（你往），那这一段的开头又把镜头给回到了“我“——“我“摸了摸水壶，发现水壶还是温热的（对老太太的话，以动作来回应）。 我们开始讲这一段句子与句子之间的衔接，并在这个过程中，时不时穿插需要补讲的点。前面讲到这一节的第一个句子写了“我“用动作去验证“是否烧了水“这个问题，并且得到了“确实烧了（但是被忘了）“的结论。这里的第二句又出现了一种“衔接方式“，用代词（it）指代前面句子，从而完成回扣。 这里第二句的“laugh about“也体现出了“我“和Thompson太太处事态度的一面——乐观，面对“尴尬“的事情不会内耗。同时，第二个句子也开始将故事的事件开始往另外一件事去引（chatting），为后面引出两人开始聊天做铺垫。而接下来聊天的内容，是笔者认为这篇续写很重要的一个信息点。他们聊了什么呢？他们主要在聊Thompson的书友会，聊到Thompson太太的两个朋友，也出现了“健忘“的情况——Brown先生有时候会迟到，而Smith太太最近有两次忘了戴眼镜。 续写分析 I checked the kettle—it was still warm. We laughed about it as I poured water, and soon we were chatting. Our conversation turned to her weekly book club with friends. Mrs. Thompson smiled, talking about her two old friends. Mr. Brown arrived late for the game, and Mrs. Smith failed to bring her glasses twice. “We're quite a group,“ she said. 这篇续写背后要探讨的问题，就上升到了一个新的高度——老年人在社交生活中，可能会存在什么样的共性问题呢？我们结合文本三位老人出现的问题，进行一个简单的梳理，他们存在的共性问题包括（但不限于）：时间记忆（忘记聚会时间、迟到）、物品准备（忘记带必需品，比如眼镜等）、任务遗忘（忘记日常事务，比如自己是否烧过水等）、社交同步（群体活动需要协调）。有了这样的梳理以后，我们是不是就大概知道我们这篇续写的APP要往哪些方向去走呢？简单概括，APP的设计应该要涵盖两个角度：一层是日常事务的推进，一层是社交生活的助力。笔者觉得前面这一层，大部分读懂了这篇续写的考生朋友，应该是能够在考试过程中抓到的，但是第二层，可能大家不太能够想得到。什么叫做社交生活的助力呢？老年人，可能会存在缺少陪伴的可能性，很多时候会把自己的朋友当成很重要的社交选择。所以我们在设计这个APP的时候，是不是可以考虑一下如何将故事中出现的这三位中老年人串联在一起呢？比如，我们可以在“提醒“功能的基础上，再为他们设计一个“提醒小组“，希望他们可以在日常交流的过程中，可以互相提醒对方做必做的“事务“。除此之外，这个APP的设计，我们还有很重要的一层细节（高分另外一层关键）需要讨论，即这个APP可以如何提醒这群中老年人。 续写分析 I checked the kettle—it was still warm. We laughed about it as I poured water, and soon we were chatting. Our conversation turned to her weekly book club with friends. Mrs. Thompson smiled, talking about her two old friends. Mr. Brown arrived late for the game, and Mrs. Smith failed to bring her glasses twice. “We're quite a group,“ she said. 参考段落： I didn't want the reminders to sound like alarms — loud and urgent(出于人文关怀考虑，希望不要让老人听到这个“提醒“的时候感到心悸). I wanted them to sound like me. Like a friend.So I recorded my voice: “Good morning, Mrs. Thompson. Time to take your medicine.“（语音提醒，用“我“的声音）I made the buttons big enough to see without glasses.（老年人视力可能下降，通过“大“来让按钮更容易被看清）I chose bright colors — green for plants, blue for medicine, yellow for book club.（颜色区分，做好各个功能的区分度）And if she didn't tap the button, the app would remind her again.（再次提醒）Gently. Not like a scold. Like someone who cared enough to try twice.（依旧出于人文关怀） 续写分析 I checked the kettle—it was still warm. We laughed about it as I poured water, and soon we were chatting. Our conversation turned to her weekly book club with friends. Mrs. Thompson smiled, talking about her two old friends. Mr. Brown arrived late for the game, and Mrs. Smith failed to bring her glasses twice. “We're quite a group,“ she said. 除了以上讲到的部分，我们围绕这个文本段落，可以想到的细节还有： 制作过程中，这些老人是如何配合“我“的测试的（写作第一段可以写“我“是如何和老人们如何优化这个APP的）？这里给到大家一个参考的段落（仅做思路补充，我们的写作部分不需要写这么细致）： I brought my laptop to Mrs. Thompson's house on Thursday. “I need your help,“ I said. “I built something. But I need to know if it works.“ She put on her glasses and looked at the screen. “The buttons are a little small,“ she said. So I made them bigger. She tapped the plant button. Nothing happened. I fixed the code. She tapped again. A reminder popped up: “Time to water your plants!“ She laughed. “This one's for my thirsty violets.“ Then I played the voice recording. My voice, from her phone: “Good morning, Mrs. Thompson!“ She stared at the screen. Her eyes grew wet. “You recorded your own voice,“ she whispered. I nodded, suddenly shy. She didn't say anything for a long moment. Then she smiled. “It's perfect,“ she said. That's when I knew — I wasn't testing anymore. I was giving it to her. 续写分析 这个APP在制成以后，可能会得到什么样的反馈（写作第一段可以写老人们的“反应“，写作第二段可以写老师同学对于“我“展示以后的反应）？这里给到大家一些句子（仅做思路补充，我们的写作部分不需要写这么细致）： (1) Mrs. Thompson's eyes widened when she heard my voice from the phone. “That's you!“ she laughed. (2) She stared at the screen for a long moment. When she looked up, her eyes were wet. “You recorded your own voice,“ she whispered. (3) She tapped the button, watched the reminder pop up, and let out a breath. “I won't forget now,“ she said. (4) “Look,“ she said, holding up the phone for Mr. Brown. “Mae made this for me. It reminds me about everything.“ (5) Mrs. Smith leaned in. “Does it remind you to bring your glasses? Because I could use that.“ (6) A classmate raised her hand. “How did you record your voice like that?“ Another asked, “Can you show us how to make the buttons that big?“ (7) Someone in the back whispered, “That's so sweet.“ I felt my face go warm. (8) A boy in the back raised his hand. “My grandmother is like that too. She forgets things. Could I make something like this for her?“ (9) When I finished, the class was quiet for a moment. Then someone clapped. Soon, everyone was clapping. 续写分析 APP，最终是否改变了这部分人遇到的这些“问题“，以及是怎么改变的（写作部分第二段尾声）？这里给到大家一个参考的段落（仅做思路补充，我们的写作部分不需要写这么细致）： The next Tuesday, I knocked on Mrs. Thompson's door. She opened it with a smile. “Come in, Mae. I was just making tea.“ I followed her to the kitchen, holding my breath. She walked straight to the kettle, filled it, and turned it on. She didn't stop. She didn't ask. She just made tea. I sat down, watching her. She told me about her week — about the book club, about her friends, about a funny thing that happened at the store. She didn't repeat a single story. When she got up to pour more tea, her keys were on the hook by the door. She didn't search for them. She just took them. I smiled. The app was working. But more than that — her life was easier. She didn't have to ask about the kettle. She didn't have to search for her keys. She didn't have to wonder if she'd already told me that story. She just lived. And that, I realized, was the best thing I could have built. 续写分析 I checked the kettle—it was still warm. We laughed about it as I poured water, and soon we were chatting. Our conversation turned to her weekly book club with friends. Mrs. Thompson smiled, talking about her two old friends. Mr. Brown arrived late for the game, and Mrs. Smith failed to bring her glasses twice. “We're quite a group,“ she said. 完成了宏观阅读以后，我们再进行逐句解读，深挖一下每个句子可以用于我们写作去丰富内容的细节，也就是我们常说的“协同“点。 the kettle—it was still warm→我们可以在写作结尾做一个场景定格，比如写“我“最终又来到了Thompson太太家，仍然摸了一下kettle——虽然kettle不再温暖，但我内容仍然觉得很温暖，因为我用我自己对于生活的理解，帮助许多人解决了问题。比如我们可以这样写： I reached out and touched the kettle. It was no longer warm — the water had long since cooled. But somehow, standing there in her kitchen, I felt warmer than I had all week. Not because of the tea. Because I had finally learned what it meant to help. Mr. Brown arrived late for the game→我们可以写后续在这个APP的帮助下，Brown先生开始很少迟到，总是很准时到底书友会。比如我们可以这样写： Mr. Brown used to arrive late to every book club. Now, his phone buzzed at 1 p.m. on Fridays — and so did everyone else's. He was always on time. 续写分析 I checked the kettle—it was still warm. We laughed about it as I poured water, and soon we were chatting. Our conversation turned to her weekly book club with friends. Mrs. Thompson smiled, talking about her two old friends. Mr. Brown arrived late for the game, and Mrs. Smith failed to bring her glasses twice. “We're quite a group,“ she said. Mrs. Smith failed to bring her glasses twice→同上。比如我们可以这样写： Mrs. Smith hadn't forgotten her glasses since the app started reminding her. “It's the little things,“ she said, tapping her phone. “The little things make all the difference.“ “We're quite a group“→除了文本解析过程中讲到的可以为他们设定“群组“以外，我们也可以拿这个group来做“我“分享创作契机的切入。比如我们可以这样： “Mrs. Thompson told me about her book club,“ I said to the class. “She laughed about her friends — one always late, one always forgetting her glasses. 'We're quite a group,' she said.“ I paused. “She wasn't complaining. She was laughing. But I heard something else in her voice. A quiet wish that maybe — just maybe — they didn't have to be the group who always forgot.“ 续写分析 Then her expression grew thoughtful. “We manage, of course. But sometimes I think—wouldn't it be nice if something simply reminds us? Take medicine. Water the plants. Friday for book club.“ She tapped her head with a soft laugh. Her words sank in. At that moment, an idea formed in my mind. As I stood up to leave, I smiled mysteriously, “Give me a few days, and I'll bring you a little surprise.“ “Oh? I'll try not to forget that,“ she laughed. 依旧还是和之前几节的分析一样，我们先分析一下段落之间是怎么衔接的。上面一段写到“我“和Thompson太太之间聊天是很愉快的，相当于埋了一条情感线。而这一段的开头用“then（随后）“和“grew thoughtful“完成了衔接，通过交代人物情感线的变化完成段落衔接。这里的thoughtful某种程度上算是人物的“负面情绪“，我们在写作过程中要消除人物的这种“负面情绪“，我们可以在写作部分写“我“制作的这款APP一定程度上缓解了这群中老年人的“愁思“。比如我们可以这样写： Mrs. Thompson poured the tea, humming softly. She didn't pause. She didn't grow thoughtful. She just smiled — light, free, present. I realized then that the app had done what I'd hoped. It had taken away the need to wonder. 续写分析 Then her expression grew thoughtful. “We manage, of course. But sometimes I think—wouldn't it be nice if something simply reminds us? Take medicine. Water the plants. Friday for book club.“ She tapped her head with a soft laugh. Her words sank in. At that moment, an idea formed in my mind. As I stood up to leave, I smiled mysteriously, “Give me a few days, and I'll bring you a little surprise.“ “Oh? I'll try not to forget that,“ she laughed. 随后的句子，以一个句子补充了Thompson太太“若有所思“的内容——我们当然能够应付（manage）这种事情，但是如果能有东西简单的提醒我们吃药、浇花、周五去读书会就好了。读到这里为止，我们就基本上可以明确，这篇续写要求我们在写作中刻画“我“制作了一款APP帮助这些“有些健忘“的老人解决问题。这里Thompson太太说话中涉及到的细节（吃药、浇花、周五去读书会），和上面的Brown先生还有Smith太太很健忘的写作角度是一样的，我们可以在写作中他们最终这些问题都因为这个APP得到了解决。除此之外，这里的soft laugh除了可能是打发尴尬的轻笑，也有可能是对待年老的“无可奈何“。我们也可以在写作最后写他们问题得到了一定解决以后，发出了发自内心的欢笑。 故事正式来到了主人公的“思考“，“我“听到了Thompson太太这些话以后，脑海里形成了一些想法。“我“把自己打算为她制造惊喜的想法说出以后，对方笑了笑，表示希望自己不会忘记。因为大部分点，我们在前面都讲过了，所以这一段的文本解读，我们稍微略过。 续写分析 Then her expression grew thoughtful. “We manage, of course. But sometimes I think—wouldn't it be nice if something simply reminds us? Take medicine. Water the plants. Friday for book club.“ She tapped her head with a soft laugh. Her words sank in. At that moment, an idea formed in my mind. As I stood up to leave, I smiled mysteriously, “Give me a few days, and I'll bring you a little surprise.“ “Oh? I'll try not to forget that,“ she laughed. 完成了宏观阅读以后，我们再进行逐句解读，深挖一下每个句子可以用于我们写作去丰富内容的细节，也就是我们常说的“协同“点。 expression grew thoughtful→我们可以在写作部分写Thompson太太体验了“我“设计的APP以后，脸上的愁思消散了。比如我们可以这样写： I watched her pour the tea, waiting for the pause, the furrowed brow, the distant gaze. It never came. The thoughtful had left her. And in its place: peace. “We manage, of course.“→我们可以写有了这个APP的帮助以后，Thompson太太和她的朋友们，确实更好manage他们的生活了。比如我们可以这样写： Mrs. Thompson used to say “We manage“ with a laugh that covered up the weight behind it. Now, she didn't need to say it at all. She didn't need to manage. She just lived. 续写分析 Then her expression grew thoughtful. “We manage, of course. But sometimes I think—wouldn't it be nice if something simply reminds us? Take medicine. Water the plants. Friday for book club.“ She tapped her head with a soft laugh. Her words sank in. At that moment, an idea formed in my mind. As I stood up to leave, I smiled mysteriously, “Give me a few days, and I'll bring you a little surprise.“ “Oh? I'll try not to forget that,“ she laughed. But sometimes I think—wouldn't it be nice if something simply reminds us?→我们可以写Thompson太太最终得偿所愿。比如我们可以这样写： She had wished for something simple. I had given her something simple. And sitting in her kitchen, watching her pour tea without a pause, I realized: the simplest wishes are sometimes the ones that matter most. Take medicine. Water the plants. Friday for book club→在Mae这个APP的帮助下，最终这一切都得到了实现。比如我们可以这样写： “Medicine. Plants. Friday,“ she said, laughing. “That was my list. Now it's my phone's list. And I — I just make tea.“ with a soft laugh→写发自内心的笑。我们可以这样写： The soft laugh that had stayed with me — the one that covered up the forgetting — was gone. In its place was something I hadn't heard that first day: a laugh that didn't need to hide anything. 续写分析 Then her expression grew thoughtful. “We manage, of course. But sometimes I think—wouldn't it be nice if something simply reminds us? Take medicine. Water the plants. Friday for book club.“ She tapped her head with a soft laugh. Her words sank in. At that moment, an idea formed in my mind. As I stood up to leave, I smiled mysteriously, “Give me a few days, and I'll bring you a little surprise.“ “Oh? I'll try not to forget that,“ she laughed. smiled mysteriously→可以在写作过程中具体解释这个笑的含义。比如我们可以这样写： The mystery behind my first smile was “what if.“ The clarity behind my last smile was “what I made.“ a few days→可以拿来做时间的概括词，在写作中写“a few days“里，“我“做了哪些准备。比如我们可以这样写： In the days that followed, I lived at my desk. My notebook filled with sketches. My screen filled with code. My voice — recorded, deleted, recorded again — filled the quiet of my room. A few days of work for a lifetime of peace for her. “Oh? I'll try not to forget that,“ she laughed→我们可以写在“我“把做好的APP拿给Thompson太太的时候，她说还好她没有忘记。我们可以这样写： She promised to try not to forget my surprise. I promised to give her something worth remembering. We both kept our promises. 续写问题分析 Paragraph 1: That night, I sat at my desk, notebook open and mind racing with details. 与以往直接分析衔接不同的是，笔者想先跟大家头脑风暴一下设计一个APP需要考虑的维度。这也是笔者比较喜欢这个题的原因之一，现在Vibe Coding（指开发者不再手动逐行编写代码，而是通过自然语言向人工智能描述需求、意图或“感觉“，由AI生成、修改和运行代码的编程方式。）很火，很多人自己就可以是“产品经理“，这种思维是很多同学可以接触并学习的。提到这个思维是因为很多点，我们是可以写到第一段里的。 首先是用户维度。我们要搞清楚这个APP是给谁用的，不同的用户群体，需求可不一样。要是给小朋友设计APP，那界面就得色彩鲜艳、充满童趣，操作也得简单易懂。结合原文，我们可以这么写： 例1: I knew it had to be perfect for people like Mrs. Thompson. They were kind-hearted but a bit forgetful, so the app needed to be as warm and easy-to-use as our friendly chats. 例2: “Maybe the app could be like a helpful neighbor,“ I mused, “always there, easy to approach, and ready to assist with their forgetfulness.“ 续写问题分析 Paragraph 1: That night, I sat at my desk, notebook open and mind racing with details. 然后是功能维度。我们要考虑APP得有哪些功能才能解决用户的问题。Mae想到的提醒功能肯定是最关键的，但是在此之外，我们可不可以去再进一步呢？比如说，能不能根据用户的使用习惯，自动调整提醒的时间和方式，让这个功能更贴心呢？下水在这个思路的基础上增加了bonus功能，大家可以参考。我们也可以这么写： The basic reminder for things like taking medicine and book club meetings was crucial. However, I considered adding a feature that adjusted the reminder according to her habits. “This way,“ I murmured, “the app would be more than just a reminder; it would be a personalized helper, just like I try to be a good listener for her.“ 续写问题分析 Paragraph 1: That night, I sat at my desk, notebook open and mind racing with details. 再就是界面维度啦。界面好不好看、好不好操作，直接影响用户喜不喜欢用这个APP。对于Mrs. Thompson这个群体来说，界面得简洁，字要大一点，图标要明显，这样他们一眼就能看明白。比如可以这么写： The layout should be clean, with no unnecessary items. “Just like her simple and uncluttered life,“ I thought. The buttons should be well-defined, making it easy for her to click, just as it's easy for her to find the familiar things in her home. 还有技术维度。用什么编程语言、开发工具能实现自己想要的功能，还得保证这个APP运行起来稳定流畅。具体编程的流程可能不需要那么精细，但是一些比较常见的我们可以写进来。这里给大家提供一个例子，当然不用写这么具体，有些动词可以参考。 With my notebook open beside me, filled with scribbled ideas, I took a deep breath and began to type. My fingers danced across the keyboard, each keystroke a step closer to bringing my app to life. Lines of code started to appear on the screen, like magic spells being woven to solve Mrs. Thompson's forgetfulness. 续写问题分析 除此之外，我们也需要给这款APP取个名字（我们的下水作文围绕这一点，做了很巧妙的设计）。我们可以从APP的功能和使用群体去制定名字，这里也给大家罗列几个： I stared at the app on my phone, thinking. What should I call it? Then I remembered her words: “Wouldn't it be nice if something simply reminds us?“ I smiled. Simply Remind. That was the name. I thought about the kettle — warm but forgotten. I thought about her soft laugh, her quiet wish. Warm Kettle. That was the name. Because even when she forgot, the warmth was there. Now, the memory would be too. I named it Memory Mate. Because she didn't need a machine. She needed a friend who remembered. And this app — my voice, her reminders — would be that friend. She had called her friends “quite a group.“ I called the app Quite a Group. Because it was for all of them. The one who was late. The one who forgot her glasses. The one who just needed a little help. I thought about Tuesday teas, about the way she laughed, about the promise I made at her door. Mae's Promise. That was the name. Because I had promised her a surprise. And this — this was it. 续写分析 好了，回到我们的衔接上来。 第一段第一句 “That night“明确了第一段续写故事发生的时间，那夜晚可能有什么呢？我们是不是可以用到写作中来。段首句还有一些小细节，“notebook open“，笔记本在一旁摊开且写满想法的状态，体现出Mae已经在前文获得灵感的基础上，对要开发的app有了初步构思；但是“mind racing“又体现出她脑子里其实也没有想的那么清楚。因此我们衔接句就要“帮助“她梳理想法。 比如：Looking at the notebook, I decided to start by defining the core functions of the app that would best address Mrs. Thompson's forgetfulness. 或者先用“夜晚“元素做一个缓冲：The tranquility of the night seemed to offer a silent promise of clarity. I took a deep breath and started to sift through the ideas. I need to prioritize these features for the app, starting with the most essential ones for Mrs. Thompson. 续写分析 第一段最后一句 第一段主要描述Mae着手设计app，最后一句应推动情节朝着完成项目的方向发展，比如暗示完成了部分关键设计，或者遇到了一个需要在后续解决的重要问题，以此来为第二段展示项目做铺垫。要与第二段“展示app“建立联系，我们可以提一下与展示相关的准备工作，如对app进行了初步测试。当然在这个过程中要不要把Mrs. Thompson当成种子用户呢？笔者认为是OK的。同时，我们要注意时间线的发展，体现出时间流逝来衔接到“一周后“的课堂展示。以下给大家几个不同版本： 突出“我“的心态版：I stretched my tired body, but my heart was filled with pride. I couldn't wait for the upcoming presentation to Ms. Davis. 突出“时间流逝“版：As the first rays of dawn peeked through my window, I saved my final changes. Now, all that was left was to wait for the last few days to pass. 突出“不断精进“版：I spent the rest of the week trying to optimize the code, looking forward to the day when I could proudly present my work to Ms. Davis. 突出“汤姆森太太试用“版：I decided to pay Mrs. Thompson a visit, asking her to be my first tester. As she tried it out, her eyes lit up with excitement. I knew my app was ready for the presentation. 续写分析 Paragraph 2: A week later, I presented my project to Ms. Davis. 第二段第一句 这句直接在时间上承接第一段，表示经过一周的努力，来到了展示项目的节点。其实“小组展示“这个场景我们写过不少，在某种意义上跟上台表演的逻辑是类似的。我们可以从“场景“和“人物心态线“两个方面来思考。 (一) 从场景角度思考 教室环境描写：教室是展示项目的主要场景，我们可以描述教室的布局，来为演示做准备。例如：Rows of desks were neatly arranged, facing the whiteboard that seemed to be waiting to witness my app's debut. 人物位置关系：明确自己、Ms. Davis以及可能在场的其他同学的位置关系。比如：I stood at the front of the classroom, with Ms. Davis sitting in the front row, her eyes fixed on me, a silent encouragement. Around her, my classmates were seated, their faces showing a mix of curiosity and anticipation.（有点长，供参考） 续写分析 (二) 从人物心态线思考 紧张+期待：My heart was pounding in my chest like a drum. I was both nervous, fearing that there might be some unnoticed glitches in the app, and excited, eager to show Ms. Davis how my hard work could potentially solve real-life problems. 直接切入展示：At the beginning of my presentation, my voice was a bit shaky, but as I started demonstrating the app's key features, I could feel my confidence growing. 思维补充：我们在写“展示（present）“的时候，要考虑到我们的展示，除了语言讲解以外，还可以有什么样的方式。同时，也要考虑好，我们要展示什么？想好这些，写作这一段的内容，会丰富许多。 主旨 可以从个人成长、科技改变生活等角度切入，具体参考文本解读部分。 续写分析 2. 语言指导 这篇续写的文本，语言特点非常丰富。除了我们在分析过程中讲到的长短句结合和对话与叙述交织以外，这篇续写的文本还有一个很重要的语言特点：理性克制含蓄（感情克制而有张力）。我们在读这篇续写的时候，会感觉主人公是一个很“淡“的人，会不经意间说出一些富有哲思的话。我们可以尝试在写作过程中，延续主人公的这种冷静含蓄（大家可以看看我们的下水作文，就做到了这一点）。 续写分析 3. 视角补充 这篇续写是以第一人称展开叙述的，我们在写作过程中要注意主人公“我“作为摄像头出现的特点，不要只是非常直观去叙述其他人物的行为，而是通过“我“的视角去展开叙述。这一点，我们在文本解读过程中，讲得比较详细了，大家可以返回去看看。这里再给大家两个段落做参考，大家感受一下： (1) I stood at the front of the class, my phone in my hand. My heart was pounding, but I clicked through the app. I told them about Mrs. Thompson — the kettle, the keys, the book club. When I played the voice recording, I heard someone whisper, “That's so sweet.“ I looked up. Ms. Davis was nodding slowly, a smile forming at the corner of her mouth. (2) After class, I went to Mrs. Thompson's house. I knocked on her door; my hands shaking. She opened it. “Surprise,“ I said, holding up my phone. She stared at the screen. Her eyes grew wet. Then she pulled me into a hug so tight I couldn't breathe. “You dear, dear girl,“ she whispered. I felt my throat tighten. I didn't need her to say anything else. 下水作文 Paragraph 1: That night, I sat at my desk, notebook open and mind racing with details. Well, I wanted a reminder for the kind of things that slip away easily, like medicine and watering plants. Oh, if it was going to help people like Mrs. Thompson, it had to be simple. So it needed a clean screen and bigger letters. Then I paused, and the smell of hot tea floated into my mind. “Simple,“ I thought, “doesn't have to feel cold.“ What if it could feel like a chat over tea? So I built a shared group where they could leave voice notes. If one forgot, another could remember: “It's time for your tea.“ And in this way, their Friday book club didn't have to wait for Fridays anymore. I called it “Re-Mae-ber,“ just for fun. My simple idea quickly grew arms and legs. The next day, I got my demo. It still had bugs, but it worked. And more importantly, Mrs. Thompson and her little “forgetful“ group loved it. 下水作文 Paragraph 2: A week later, I presented my project to Ms. Davis. Laptop open, heart fluttering faster than any bug I had chased that week, I clicked through my app and showed “Re-Mae-ber.“ I started by telling the story of a group of lovely forgetful group, and then moved to the little reminders. My fingers itched to explain every line of code, and every fight I had with screens, buttons, and time. Then I showed them the shared group, the voice notes popping up: “It's time for your tea.“ Immediately, the room exploded. One classmate's eyes went wide: “I want my grandpa to have this app!“ Someone else laughed, “I could use this for my homework deadlines.“ Sparks of thoughts bounced from desk to desk, and even Ms. Davis left a voice note on my app. “Re-Mae-ber“ remembered because I remembered. Technology should remember simple things, and isn't that exactly the fun of coding? 语料积累 $