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技法二 丰富细节,活灵活现
1
在读后续写中丰富细节,既能通过营造画面感、增强趣味性让故事更生动,更吸引人,又能借助动作、神态、心理等描写塑造丰满人物,展现其性格和成长,还能为情节提供逻辑支撑,让过渡更加自然,从而整体提升续写的感染力与合理性。
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讲述变描述;笼统变细节
在续写过程中要增加对细节的描述,减少直白讲述。通过对其中人物的动作、语言、心理、外表,以及故事发生的场景等进行描述,使故事变得生动有趣、极富画面感,这样能吸引读者的兴趣和注意力。
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*I was very frightened.
→I felt so scared that my throat tightened and my knees felt weak.
→I froze with terror, too scared to move.
→I was seized by a strong sense of horror, my palms sweating.
→A feeling of terror came over me.
*He was very excited.
→His voice trembled and he shed tears of excitement.
→He leaped into the air/jumped to his feet with excitement.
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分解动作,构建动作链
将整个动作分解为细微精准动作,分解成3个最佳。
*男孩们跳入泳池里=男孩们冲向泳池+脱掉衣服+跳入水里
The boys rushed excitedly to the swimming pool, took off their clothes and jumped into the water.
*她上前抱住儿子=她冲向前+蹲下+一把抱住儿子
She dashed forward, squatted down and gathered her son into her arms.
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添枝加叶扩短句
在读后续写中,有的学生写得短句过多,内容不具体,缺乏生动性。学生可以在简短句的基础上恰当添加定语、状语等修饰成分或增加并列结构等, 扩展句子,丰富内容,使表达更具体、更形象。
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*She saw her husband.
→There, she saw her husband staring at her, wearing an expression of relief.
*I was very ashamed.
→I was so ashamed that I could feel the blood rush to my face.
*The girl unwrapped the gift box.
→Curious and excited, the innocent girl unwrapped the delicate gift box.
→Without any hesitation, the innocent girl unwrapped the gift box tied with red ribbon (丝带).
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巧用修辞
灵活运用修辞手法,有助于避免语言枯燥,提高语言表达效果,使续写情节更为生动。常用的修辞手法有比喻、拟人和夸张等。
*His words were like a warm breeze, blowing my depression away and changing my mindset. (比喻)
*The noise they make could wake the dead! Frightening! (夸张)(人教选必四U2)
*The ship struggled on the stormy sea, rolling with each heavy wave.(拟人)
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妙用无生命名词作主语
用无生命的事物作主语来展开句子,可以增加主语的多样性,使语言更生动。
*A feeling of helplessness washed/swept/flooded over me as I saw the bus queue thinning out.(2024·新高考全国卷Ⅰ&Ⅱ)
*If I approach near to people, a hot terror seizes upon me, and I fear being exposed to the danger that my weakness might be noticed.
*An idea suddenly struck the twins that they could ask their dad for help.
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高效使用对话
对话描写是推动故事情节发展,塑造人物形象的手段,用好了会锦上添花,用不好会适得其反。切忌为了凑字数而堆砌冗余内容。在读后续写中,对话描写只需要一到两句即可。
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*“I hate them,” Linda screamed angrily, clenching her fists.
*“Awful,” the young man answered in a trembling voice.
*“Well, let me think,” said the farmer, as he was wiping the sweat of the back of his neck.
*“Mom, I don't want to be out there,” Mary whispered, hoping that her mother would not let her face the awkward situation.
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当堂即练 精准提升
01
12
根据汉语提示补全句子
1.我感到非常恐惧,屏住了呼吸,头脑一片空白。
I felt ________________________________________________________.
2.她的笑声像温暖的毛毯一样。
Her laughter _________________________.
so frightened that I held my breath, with my mind blank
was like a warm blanket
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3.我走到父亲身边,伸出双手拥抱了他。
I walked over to my father, ____________________________________.
4.他知道我精通英语,给我介绍了一份工作。
____________________________________________, he introduced a job to me.
reached out my hands and hugged him
Knowing I had a good command of English
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5.一阵暴风雨般的掌声在沉默之后响起。
___________________________ after silence.
6.孩子蹑手蹑脚地走到小鸟身边。 他正要抓住它时,它却飞进了森林。
The child ____________________. He ____________________________ it flew away into the forest.
7.突然,一种内疚和骄傲交织在一起的感觉向我袭来。
Suddenly, _______________________________________________.
A storm of applause came
tiptoed to the bird
was about to catch it when
a mixture of guilt as well as pride seized me
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8.还没等我开口,她就轻轻地把一只手放在我的肩上,带着会意的微笑说:“我知道你想要什么,但你们小组非常需要你。”
Before I opened my mouth, she _______________ a hand on my shoulder, _____________________________, “____________________ __________________________________.”
9.女人收拾好自己的东西,迅速向门口走去,拒绝回头看这个粗鲁的男人。
The woman __________ her belongings and ___________ the gate quickly, __________________________ the rude man.
gently placed
saying with a knowing smile
I know what you want but your group needs you badly
gathered
headed to
refusing to look back at
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10.花园中的玫瑰给了我一个胜利的微笑。
The rose in the garden ____________________________.
gave me a smile of victory
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