Chapter14-双语名著无障碍阅读丛书——《月亮与六便士The Moon and Sixpence》

Chapter XIV During the journey back to England I thought much of Strickland.I tried to set in order what I had to tell his wife.It was unsatisfactory,and I could not imagine that she would be content with me;I was not content with myself. Strickland perplexed me.I could not understand his motives.When I had asked him what first gave him the idea of being a painter,he was unable or unwilling to tell me.I could make nothing of it.I tried to persuade myself than an obscure feeling of revolt had been gradually coming to a head in his slow mind,but to challenge this was the undoubted fact that he had never shown any impatience with the monotony of his life.If,seized by an intolerable boredom,he had determined to be a painter merely to break with irksome ties,it would have been comprehensible,and commonplace;but commonplace is precisely what I felt he was not.At last,because I was romantic,I devised an explanation which I acknowledged to be far-fetched,but which was the only one that in any way satisfied me.It was this:I asked myself whether there was not in his soul some deep-rooted instinct of creation,which the circumstances of his life had obscured,but which grew relentlessly,as a cancer may grow in the living tissues,till at last it took possession of his whole being and forced him irresistibly to action.The cuckoo lays its egg in the strange bird's nest,and when the young one is hatched it shoulders its foster-brothers out and breaks at ·116· 十四 在回英国的途中，关于斯特里克兰德，我想了好多。 我尝试把不得不告诉他妻子的内容整理出来。事情办得 不太顺利，我可以想象，她对我不会满意，而我对自己 也不满意。斯特里克兰德让我大伤脑筋。我无法理解他 的行为动机。当我问他最初怎么动了要当画家的念头时， 他无法给我解释清楚或者不愿意给我解释清楚。我一筹 莫展。我企图让自己相信：在他呆滞的头脑里渐渐产生 了一种朦朦胧胧的反叛意识。然而，一个不容置疑的事 实却对上述判断形成了反驳，那就是，对于自己过去单 ①boredom[bo:dsmn厌倦， 调乏味的生活，他从来不曾流露出焦躁不安的情绪。倘 厌烦 若他只是由于无法忍受无聊的生活，挣脱令人切齿的枷 锁，才决心去当一个画家，这倒是可以理解的，也不足 为奇：但是问题在于，我觉得他绝对不是一个稀松平常 的人。也许我有些浪漫吧，最后我想象出一个解释来， 尽管我也承认这个解释有些牵强附会，却是唯一能使我 感到全方位满意的。我问自己，他灵魂深处是不是深深 地埋藏着某种创作欲望，这种欲望尽管为他的生活环境 所掩，却一直在无情地生长，就像肿瘤可能在有机组织 中不断生长一样，直到最后把他彻底控制，强迫他付诸 行动，他连招架之力都没有。杜鹃把蛋下到其他鸟的鸟 巢里，而杜鹃雏鸟孵出以后，就把它的异母兄弟们挤出 ·117· Chapter XIV last the nest that has sheltered it. But how strange it was that the creative instinct should seize upon this dull stockbroker,to his own ruin,perhaps,and to the misfortune of such as were dependent on him;and yet no stranger than the way in which the spirit of God has seized men,powerful and rich,pursuing them with stubborn vigilance till at last,conquered,they have abandoned the joy of the world and the love of women for the painful austerities of the cloister.Conversion may come under many shapes,and it may be brought about in many ways.With some men it needs a cataclysm,as a stone may be broken to fragments by the fury of a torrent;but with some it comes gradually,as a stone may be worn away by the ceaseless fall of a drop of water.Strickland had the directness of the fanatic and the ferocity of the apostle But to my practical mind it remained to be seen whether the passion which obsessed him would be justified of its works.When I asked him what his brother-students at the night classes he had attended in London thought of his painting,he answered with a grin: "They thought it a joke." "Have you begun to go to a studio here?" "Yes.The blighter came round this morning-the master,you know;when he saw my drawing he just raised his eyebrows and walked on." Strickland chuckled.He did not seem discouraged.He was independent of the opinion of his fellows. And it was just that which had most disconcerted me in my dealings with him.When people say they do not care what others think of them,for the most part they deceive themselves.Generally they mean only that they will do as they choose,in the confidence that no one will know their vagaries;and at the utmost only that they are willing to act contrary to the opinion of the majority because they are supported by the approval of their neighbours.It is not difficult to be unconventional in the eyes of the world when your unconventionality is but the ·118· 十四 巢外，最后把庇护自己的鸟窝也捣毁了。 但是出人意料的是，这种创作欲竟会抓住了一个呆 头呆脑的证券经纪人，还可能毁了他，给那些依靠他抚 养的人带来这样的不幸。然而，倘若与上帝把人抓住的 ①vigilance[vidsilans]n.警 态度和方式相比，这倒是在意料之中的。上帝抓住的这 惕性 些人有钱有势，可是上帝却对他们警惕性很高，不依不 饶，直到最后把他们完全征服，直到他们抛弃世俗的欢 ②austerity[b'sterat间n.苦 行，苦修，禁欲生活 乐、女人的爱情，去寺院过着青灯古佛的苦日子。皈依 ③cloister[kloista]n,寺院 能呈现的形态不同，实现的诸多途径也可能不尽相同。 cataclysm ['kaetaklizom]n. (战争、革命等带来的政 一些人需要突变，就像愤怒的激流瞬间把石块化为齑 治或社会上的)大变动， 粉：另一些人则铢积寸累，就像细水长流，最终会水滴 剧变，大变革；大灾难 石穿。斯特里克兰德有着狂热分子单刀直入和使徒雷霆 ⑤apostle ['posl]h.使者， 万钧的气势。 特使 然而，经过我讲求实际的大脑的思考，得出的结论 是，让他神魂颠倒的这种热情是否能带来顺理成章的作 品，还要走着瞧。等我问他在伦敦学画时夜校的同学怎 么评价他的绘画时，他咧嘴笑了，答道：“他们觉得我 是在开玩笑。” “你到了这里以后就开始上绘画学校了吗？” “上了。你瞧，今天早晨那个可恶的家伙一我说 的是那个老师，他还来过我的住处：他看了我的画以后， 只是扬了扬眉毛，转身就走了。” 斯特里克兰德竞然吃吃地笑了起来。他觉得同伴的 看法与自己没什么相干，他似乎并没有灰心丧气。 在我跟他打交道的过程中，正是这一点使我心慌意 乱。当人们说不在乎别人对自己的看法时，大多是自欺 欺人。通常说来，他们之所以可以我行我素，是因为确 信别人不了解他们的诡异无常：登峰造极的人之所以勇 于与大多数人分庭抗礼，也是因为得到了一些世人的首 肯认同。一个人违反的传统如果是本阶层的常规传统， 那么在世人眼里这样的反传统就并不困难。这个人会因 ·119· Chapter XIV convention of your set.It affords you then an inordinate amount of self-esteem. You have the self-satisfaction of courage without the inconvenience of danger. But the desire for approbation is perhaps the most deeply seated instinct of civilised man.No one runs so hurriedly to the cover of respectability as the unconventional woman who has exposed herself to the slings and arrows of outraged propriety.I do not believe the people who tell me they do not care a row of pins for the opinion of their fellows.It is the bravado of ignorance. They mean only that they do not fear reproaches for peccadillos which they are convinced none will discover. But here was a man who sincerely did not mind what people thought of him,and so convention had no hold on him;he was like a wrestler whose body is oiled;you could not get a grip on him;it gave him a freedom which was an outrage.I remember saying to him: "Look here,if everyone acted like you,the world couldn't go on." "That's a damned silly thing to say.Everyone doesn't want to act like me. The great majority are perfectly content to do the ordinary thing." And once I sought to be satirical. "You evidently don't believe in the maxim:Act so that every one of your actions is capable of being made into a universal rule." "I never heard it before,but it's rotten nonsense." “Well,it was Kant who said it..” "I don't care;it's rotten nonsense." Nor with such a man could you expect the appeal to conscience to be effective.You might as well ask for a reflection without a mirror.I take it that conscience is the guardian in the individual of the rules which the community has evolved for its own preservation.It is the policeman in all our hearts,set there to watch that we do not break its laws.It is the spy seated in the central stronghold of the ego.Man's desire for the approval of his fellows is so strong, his dread of their censure so violent,that he himself has brought his enemy within his gates;and it keeps watch over him,vigilant always in the interests ·120· 十四 此而自鸣得意，沾沾自喜。他既可以以勇气自诩又不担 风险。然而，得到别人的认同赞许，大约是文明人最为 Dapprobation [aprau'beifan] 根深蒂固的一种天性了。一个标新立异的女人破了规矩 n.赞成，赞同 礼法，引起了公愤，遭受了明枪暗箭的攻击以后，会飞 ③sling[sli]n.(古代用的) 奔到尊严那里寻求庇护，速度之快，无人可比。那些人 投石器，抛石环索 告诉我，他们对同伴的看法根本就不屑一顾，但我是不 相信的。这只不过是一种源于无知的嘴硬罢了。他们的 ③bravado[bra'va:dou]n.虚 意思不过就是，他们相信别人绝对不可能发现自己的小 张声势 瑕疵，因而不畏千夫指。 可是，这里却真有一个不畏人言的人，这样一来， 他就完全不受传统礼规控制了。他就如同一个身上涂着 ④wrestler[reslo]n.摔跤运 油的摔跤运动员，你抓都抓不住他。这就给了他一种自 动员 由，从而引起公愤。我还记得我对他说： “你听着，假如人人都像你这样，地球就不转啦。” “你说这样的话真是傻透了，不是人人都像我这 样，大多数人做普普通通的事已经心满意足了。” 我想讽刺讽刺他。 “显而易见，你不相信这句格言：凡人立身行事， 务使每一行为堪为万人楷模。” “我以前从来没听说过，可这是陈词滥调、无稽之 谈。” “不过，这可是康德说的。” “我才不管是谁说的呢，总归是陈词滥调、无稽之 谈。” 对于这样的一个人，通过感召，期待他良心发现同 样是不可能奏效的，正如没有镜子就不可能看到映像是 一个道理。我把良心视为个人的心灵卫士，为了保证社 会的发展制定出的规则依赖良心来守护。良心是我们所 有人心里的警察，它在那里站岗放哨，监视着我们不要 违法犯法。良心是安插在自我中心堡垒中的间谍。因为 人们那么渴望得到他人的认同，那么害怕舆论的批评， 结果导致引狼入室；于是良心监视着，时刻保持高度警 惕，捍卫主人的利益，一有离群的苗头，就把它及时粉 ·121· Chapter XIV of its master to crush any half-formed desire to break away from the herd.It will force him to place the good of society before his own.It is the very strong link that attaches the individual to the whole.And man,subservient to interests he has persuaded himself are greater than his own,makes himself a slave to his taskmaster. He sits him in a seat of honour.At last,like a courtier fawning on the royal stick that is laid about his shoulders,he prides himself on the sensitiveness of his conscience.Then he has no words hard enough for the man who does not recognise its sway;for,a member of society now,he realises accurately enough that against him he is powerless.When I saw that Strickland was really indifferent to the blame his conduct must excite,I could only draw back in horror as from a monster of hardly human shape. The last words he said to me when I bade him good-night were: "Tell Amy it's no good coming after me.Anyhow,I shall change my hotel,so she wouldn't be able to find me." "My own impression is that she's well rid of you,"I said. "My dear fellow,I only hope you'll be able to make her see it.But women are very unintelligent.” ·122· 十四 碎。良心强制人们把社会利益置于个人之上。良心是个 人与整体之间的一个稳固的纽带。人们说服自己，对于 某种大于个人利益的利益亦步亦趋，使自己成为监工的 奴隶。他把监工推上荣誉的宝座。最后，正如皇帝把御 ①fawm[f:ng卑躬屈膝， 杖按在弄臣的肩上弄臣会感恩戴德一样，人也为自己拥 阿谀奉承 有着敏感的良心而心生自豪。对于那些并没有意识到自 己离经叛道的人，他没有苛责的言语，因为他心知肚明， 作为社会的一分子，他已无力反抗。我看到，斯特里 克兰德对自己的行为会引起的毋庸置疑的斥责真的不在 乎，这时的我就像看到了一个不像人样的怪物一样，吓 得连连退缩。 那天夜里我向他道晚安的时候，他对我说的最后一 句话是： “告诉艾米，跟过来找我没用，因为我要换旅馆住 了，她找不到我的。” “我觉得她摆脱开你是好事。”我说道。 “我亲爱的朋友，我只希望你能够让她明白这一 点，可女人都是非常无知的。” ·123·